Abandon hope all Ye who enter here………………….
Pirates don’t do Valentines aarrrrrrrrr they do Cricket arrrgg.
So the 11 lost souls forever condemned to Captain Davey Jones locker, decided to play the land lubber game of cricket avast.
By virtue of elimination Gul dog selected J.Dot to captn said team of scurvy dogs, hence fore he shall be known as Captain Hook, for his love of the short ball arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. (more on that later).
The opposition was late by process their cur dog of a Captain could not use his sextant and arrived late, some form of land device known as email was used as an excuse, but we made them have a choice of field or be keelhauled. They chose the former and Captain Hook armed his sailers with wooden swords known as bats. Avast ye sea scum, batten down the hatches as we will let loose Bilge Boy Blikkes to plunder and pillage the bowling attack!
Accompanying Bilge Boy was Brad “the Glacier” Wissink know for his exploits with Romanian Gypsies, Glacier is not deferring to his Ice cool temperament but his strike rate in said T20. So haul up the sails and make hast me lads as it gets stormy. Bilge Boy wielded his sword and took the Eagles to task, but was cheated of his wicket by ricochet from the keepers armour and was stumped for a quick 21 off 16, back to swabbing the deck for you Bilge Boy.
Meanwhile the Glacier was ebbing forward and steadily ensuring the scoreboard ticked over, Chris “Cut Throat” Neal joined the Glacier and started well until the natives captured him with the old playing back to a spinner ploy, bowled he was and for his crimes he was banished to the brig to think on his crimes, I ordered the cat o nine tails but a mutiny called for few lashings only. Jamie “Cabin Boy” then upped the rate with a few lusty blows, and some cricket shots as well. However he let his Captain down by committing Hari Kari the Japanese pirate suicide. Run out for 29 off 18. The Glacier kept advancing, the ice age cometh……
The ship was listing badly now, and it was inevitable that she would go down to Davy Jones locker with all crew aboard. Able seaman “Able”, chipped in with 10 bowled, by a sea urchin, and the Glacier was the bizarrely stumped after he ran from his crease after the keeper managed to finally keep a ball in his Krakken arms, this surprised the Glacier so much he went looking for mermaids somewhere about mid pitch and the krakken removed the bails, thus ending the ice age.
Still his 45 from 49 kept us afloat whilst others were floundering in the deeps. Arrrrrrrrr Avast ye.
This left 13 balls for Captain Hook to do something, hooking wasn’t it and he has his capstan removed trying to cut (the head off) a straighter delivery. So we rounded the cape of good hope and the Saffa’s joined with Viv “the Gentleman” Botha making a cameo 7 off 3 and Brian “Bosun” Williams not out on 8 with Tim “Tall Timber” Davy not out dead eye’s 0. So the good ship Darjeeling ran around for 156 off 20 and no treasure in sight, avast the wretched albatross of bad fortune!
As all good captains do, I rounded on the crew and blamed them, I also flogged them mercilessly and removed rum privileges. At the same time I looked at the stores and decided to open up with the big guns on deck. Unfortunately Greg “The Deserter” had deserted, we will find you and keelhaul you deserter.
The map to the rest of this story is missing just like our treasure, the scurvy dogs destroyed the evidence and we only have anecdotal tales of whoa and despair.
The Gentleman lived up to his name being very nice to almost blast the opposition out of the water with his big guns firing twin salvo’s arrrrrrrrrrrrr 2/21 from 4 ye scurvy lad, Cut Throat taking 2 behind point. Gul Dog bowled like a busted arse, and needed to have a rest on a desert island, after going for more than required, 0/26 from 3.
Krishna “Hare Rama” used all 6 of his arms to deceive the Eagles, but his navigation was off at times, leading to a 2/26 from 3, though I swear arrrrrrrr with a few more months at sea he will improve. Bosun was bowling well, using some sort of sling to catapult the ball down the wicket, when tragedy struck and he jammed his finger in the mechanism and had to have it amputated, at the elbow. bowling figures lost at sea.
Tall Timber was useful but one of the opposition took a liking to his offerings in his last over, again poor record keeping has left us with no answer to is he any good, he’s tall and offered the capt that he had a 4th in him.
I disagreed and sent him to the briny depths (third man).
Bilge Boy was asked to plunder some more and obliged even without a snickers, death bowling is his forte and he deliver some fatal blows as sharks sensed blood in the waters, and a feeding frenzy started. 2/million off 4
Capt Hook rolled his hook down at the death as well, had his wooden leg break on the second ball, and could then only bowl off 3 steps, Still entertaining and less runs than Cut throat…………arrrrrrrrrrrr
This left us with Cut Throat and 21 req, dishing up a compass wide first ball he tempted the gods with the reducing target, next ball despatched to the boundary and it was suddenly all on, a 2 from the next ball leaving them with 14 req off 3, thanks Cut Throat…….still a third run out ensured victory for HMS Darjeeling. Arrrrrr
Other highlights, Jamie “Cabin Boy” slipping like bambi on ice due to no spikes,green grass and dew, he actually winded himself once……….Roger the cabin boy would be more useful arrrrrrr.
Viv the Gentleman also almost killing himself on the boundary trying to stop a ball.
The 3 way fake run out, 1 take shot at stumps with no one at the stumps miss by a nautical miles, 2 wait for batsman to try to steal a second run, 3 have the fielder who backed up the 1st throw hit stumps, Pirate win.
The hit it back to the bowler run out, 1 hit slow full toss straight back to bowler, 2 have the non striker batsman run the entire length of pitch, 3 easiest run outs ever.
Cameo appearance, Danny “Shoeless” Rees, fielded for 3 overs when the Bosun went for amputation.
So despite running aground on the rocks HMS Darjeeling was re-floated and plundered all and sundry, with wenches kidnapped for good measure and rum rations restored for all……..
In May 2014 Dubai lost one of its real characters, Simon Fowler, who passed away at the much-too-early age of just 53. Cricketer, rugby player, cyclist, guitarist, businessman, and above all a great family man, Simon devoted much of his time to raising money for charity through his band Suburban Voodoo, and coaching youngsters at his beloved sport of cricket. Cricket was so dear to him that Simon and his wife Dee named their two daughters Lara and Courtney, after two famous West Indian cricketers.
