Darjeeling CC v Loose Cannons by Wade Golightly

A different format for a change by Wade

On 21st September Darjeeling welcomed the intrepid Loose Cannons for some early evening (and just starting to cool) battles on the larger of the two ovals.

Pre-match meeting adjourned in Kickers at 5:30pm, players were eager to ensure that the bodies were warm and ready to fire in the upcoming match. Key batsmen Blikkies stated that at least 4 beverages need to be consumed in order to perform at his elite ability, there were no objections. Following the Captains downing of his second beverage, the boys were warm and ready.

Inside the changing room the boys exchanged stories of the sources of their Cricket Bat’s, Misbah Ul-Haq was mentioned repeatedly.


Darjeeling Batting:


  1. Blikkies –              5          Quick fire innings. Bowled comprehensively off the short chap with a bit of gas
  2. Graeme –           68          Man of the match performance (IMO) Bowled
  3. Stanni –               10          Stumped after running to the bowlers crease to meet the ball
  4. Shugie –               40          Clean hitting, bullied the bowling. Bowled off the short chap with a bit of gas
  5. Rohan                   1          Not much to report. LBW
  6. Wade                    0          Strong performance from the non-strikers end. Bowled
  7. Millar                    7*        Season end average is forecasted to be at the 40 mark. Not Out
  8. Stephan                6          Poor umpiring decision. LBW
  9. Shehan                 13*      Was In the changing room, I’m told a promotion in the batting order is needed.


Darjeeling Bowling:


  1. Etienne               3 Overs, 0 wickets, 23 runs. Solid performance, brilliant final over
  2. Sheehan             2 Overs, 0 wickets, 29 runs. See batting performance
  3. Stefan                 3 Overs, 0 wickets, 30 runs. Umpires shoulders were hard at work, plenty wides
  4. Wade                  2 Overs, 0 wickets, 19 runs. Under 6 foot bowlers, should not ball short
  5. Ash                      3 Overs, 1 wicket,   33 runs. Brilliant first 2 overs, 3rd over was regrettable (21 runs)
  6. Shugie                 4 Overs, 0 wickets, 28 runs. Deserved a wicket, quality performance.
  7. Stannie               3 Overs, 2 wickets, 24 runs. Age is just a number, quality.




Match went to the last ball, Darjeeling lost by about 5 wickets (TBC)


Any queries on the report, please send to Shugie.

Darjeeling CC v Loose Cannons – scribed by K O’Reilly

The day started with a few early arrivals being gripped to Jo’s phone as a cached live coverage of the DSL team’s super over finale was dictated by McCaffery Jnr. The good news saw Nick’s celebratory F bomb count go through the roof pre toss. A new record.

The opposition fronted as a standard middle aged male troop, ranging from  3-4 technically good players, a couple of social blokes who used to a play a bit, and a couple of blokes who could sink 14 beverages of an afternoon then take a piss…

After a quick streak and pulling himself together, Nick won the toss and we had a bat. 10 off the first from Aryan was a good return off a good bowler. Aryan, Munish, Digby and Harry all with starts saw us 4/61 at drinks.

Fresh from his celebratory streak, Nick was charging, slapping them to all corners for a well fought 60. He only needed for someone to stick around, the middle order didn’t offer much today but Young Tom came in at 9 for a run a ball 20. A great head on his shoulders for his age.

Still with a few overs to go Ash came in to not only see out the innings but also wrap up the Fashions on the Field title for yet another week with the broadbrim/spectacle/headband/skins combo ensemble. Whilst looking the part he rolled the wrists over a juicy half volley to clear the fence and send the bustling crowd of 22 into raptures.

A decent total of 9/156 on an up/down wicket.

The Cannons came out with malicious intent using 3 of the technically better players i mentioned earlier. A few fielding mishaps and some blatant slogging saw them on the required rate for the first 5-6 and in the 9th they were 2/90. Enter the man with a vast appetite for chilled beverages.

He threw the kitchen sink and took it to the kids like a catholic priest, clearing the fence with nothing more than a pair of shorts and a bat. Even his box was unwanted ballast and thrown towards his team mates at fine leg to be collected mid innings.

Despite the lack of enthusiasm for its retrieval thoughts turned to if it was indeed uncomfortable or bad news had filtered through about the previous owners gonorrhea problem. An unfortunate time to receive the news no doubt, however it didn’t deter him and they passed us 2 down with 5 overs to spare. Off to the clinic I guess, or back to the cafe…

Conservatives trounced in stunning reversal of fortunes! Rampant LibDem-Labour alliance prevails in one–sided clash!

The Dubai Despatch, May 10, 2015
Yesterday’s events provided a quite stunning contrast to the previous Saturday’s dry run (which favoured the Tories), with a recently-cobbled-together Coalition of the Swilling (led, would you believe, by a Plaid Cymru representative!) prevailing in the Election Edition of the Desert Derby, throwing the psephologists into predictable disarray.

Yes, Cameron’s Conservative Cannons lost comprehensively (by 10 seats) to a resurgent alliance led from the front by Jon “Toothy Ed” Houghton and James “Cleggie” Smibert, with tacit support from the Irish (Rob Weir, back in Malahide for the washed-out one-dayer) and even the Scots (Chris Bridle, last seen repairing to the Sturgeon & Roe for a wee dram a few months ago).

Both teams seemed to have made equally concerted efforts to broaden their appeal to the minority, immigrant and Kolpak constituencies in an effort to capture the swing vote, with the Conservatives fielding Khalid, Mirza, Vincent and Coles, while the National Coalition offered up Banerjee, Moses, Blignaut and deBeer.

On to the details, then… the toss went the Tories’ way and they decided to bat first, opening with Cameron (of course!) and Thomas. The Coalition opened with Blignaut and MacFadyen, then Cook and Rees once the field was out, all bowling well enough to keep the flood at bay but never really threatening, and at the 10-over break the Cannons were 74/0, Cam dropped at 8 by Dannie as Cook’s low, full pie was driven firmly but airily to mid-off, mistaken for a bump ball, attempted (with resultant bruising) and parried overhead to the fence.
Meanwhile the long-awaited crate of water had arrived to provide succour at the break, and so had the Conservatives’ support, well-distributed across the key demographics: infants, women and seniors.

102 ensued off the bottom ten but so did 6 wickets, evening things out somewhat. Thomas departed in the 14th after a good opening stand of 111, well caught at long on by a sliding Houghton off Cook for an adventurous 49 off 40 (5×4, 2×6), even as Shep hopped in the heavens above.

Skipper Bradstock came in next, stroked the ball around well (that bat looks quite special) while Cameron continued to hit well-timed shots to all parts, particularly severe on Banerjee (who put the liberal in LibDem) starting with a few pies, then offering up kebabs and finally fish & chips, his trifecta of take-aways put away for 32 off 2 before asking the skipper Rees to take him off, lack of nets having palpably affected length and bowling form.

But there was a twist in the tale yet, Houghton brought on to bowl, taking 4-11 off his two! First the dangerous Coles holing out to Jamie at cow corner off a first-ball full toss for an effervescent 76 off 54 (6×4, 3×6), then the hamstrung Khalid caught by Blikkies in similar fashion, then Bradstock caught by Ash at point off a swirling top edge for 27 off 11, then Taylor went just as Coles did, and in a couple of overs the complexion of the innings had changed (much like London) even as Curtis went lbw to Rees for a first-ball duck (Adair, umpiring, giving the benefit of the doubt to the bowler), and the Conservatives finished on a possibly sub-par 178/6 despite a brief late flurry from Mellor with support from Lazarus.

Blignaut 4-23-0, MacFadyen 4-41-0, Cook 4-23-1, Rees 4-46-1, Banerjee 2-32-0, Houghton 2-11-4, not a single maiden bowled.
At the half-way mark the Conservatives might have felt they had secured enough, based on recent evidence, while the Coalition thought they’d shown good Labour form by fielding well in the Shires and were in with a chance.

And so it came to pass that Cleggie and Toothy Ed were nominated to lead the chase from the front, while bowling duties were entrusted to Taylor and Bain.

Taylor was accurate but predictable from the Academy End, while Bain from Bradenton North was brisk but wayward, profligate with the Dukes and going for 19 off his first and 25 off the second as the openers cashed in with some well-played drives and deflections for boundaries, 61 coming off the first 4, helped along by extras as well for as good a start as the Coalition has ever enjoyed.

This prompted a change in the Conservatives’ strategy, with the spin doctors Mellor and Adair pressed into service for the last two overs of the powerplay, but to no avail as the buffet bowling continued and the batsmen feasted, the Coalition 80/0 off the first 6.

The batsmen looked firmly in control and a sense of comfortable smugness seeped into the hutch, with the immigrants Moses and Banerjee placidly ensconced in the bosomy embrace of the welfare state, suckling contentedly on the twin teats of Healthcare (cigarettes) and Benefits (water) while the Kolpaks ran the scorebox, Nigel foraged fruitlessly in South Thanet and a distant David Dimbleby allegedly exclaimed “for God’s sake” when he thought the cameras were off.

As the field went out the scoring rate normalised somewhat, with the Coalition 109/0 at drinks after 10, still well ahead of the ask and the worm looking quite superior on the iPad. The spinners continued as variously Curtis, Lazarus and Mirza were each given a go, Houghton accelerated as he tired, peppering the Academy with a few sixes, even while Cameron raged against the tide from behind the stumps, attempting to rally the troops in the face of the inevitable. Toothy Ed retorted with “My mum’s French,” putting to rest any doubts about Britain’s future in the EU. The Scots didn’t rate a mention despite Cameron’s former cricketing connections to the land of single malts, kilts, haggis and em, Hogmanay.

It was all over four balls into the 16th, with Smibert (67 off 50, 8×4, 1×6) and Houghton (88 off 48, 10×4, 4×6) having batted really, really well (Cleggie’s Chinese cuts notwithstanding, perhaps an acknowledgement of the Met Ball’s theme this year?) for a fine 10-wicket win, long overdue against the Cannons.

Taylor 2-12, Bain 2-44, Mellor 3-18, Adair 4-24, Curtis 1.4-10, Lazarus 2-12, Mirza 1-3, no maidens or wickets.

Our opening pair of Jamie Smibert and Jonathan Houghton, who single handedly reached the target
Our opening pair of Jamie Smibert and Jonathan Houghton, who single handedly reached the target

A good day out for some, and all repaired to Kickers for a pint or two (“we don’t do champagne these days, you know”) and bit of post-match socialising. After his exertions for a Man of the Match performance, Houghton resorted to caloric compensation via cheesy fries, a hot dog bigger than its bun, and a chicken salad, all of which were pronounced tasteless but useful under the circumstances, much like this match report.

Darjeeling vs Loose Cannons – 21 September 2013 by Lawrence of Arabia

A hot balmy afternoon awaited both teams at the ICC. The pre-match discussion centered around the Cannons good record on grass and Darjeeling’s makeshift bowling attack. Danny Rees made his debut for the club and proudly hung up his Welsh towel in the change rooms for all to see.
The Cannons won the toss and no surprise, batted first. Darjeeling opened up with Etienne and Danny. The opening batsman (in particular Clint) took advantage of the quick outfield and some fullish deliveries and started hitting boundaries at will. Captain Ash decided to turn to spin, first, Kim (aka Warney) who got some turn straight away. Unfortunately, the batsman took advantage of the few balls that didn’t get a chance to turn, and at the first drinks break (7 overs – it was hot!!) the Cannons were no loss for around 70-80.
Finally, a change in luck for Darjeeling, the Cannon’s opener smashed a straight ball at Clint, who took a blow to his right hand. The other opener retired shortly thereafter suffering from heat fatigue. Captain Ash turned to Browny who bowled 4 very tight overs from one end, building up some great pressure.
The turning point of the game was when Ash brought himself onto bowl. Firstly, taking the prize wicket of Clint after Andrew took a juggling catch at mid-on. Ash then proceeded to destroy the Cannon’s middle order. Whilst some of the “Cannons” were a little “Loose” with their shot selection, all credit to Ash who finished up with a “michelle pfifer” – 4 overs 5 wickets for 12. Sackers also bowled a couple of tidy overs and took a wicket. The bowlers were well supported by the fielders (Cameron, Nathan and Noel behind the stumps etc.) and after looking like scoring 220, the Cannons made a sub-par score of 163.
Darjeeling opened the batting with Danny and Browny – who made a great start to the run chase with an opening partnership of over 100. In fact, the only problem was working out exactly how much they both scored – as the scorers from the Cannons team had got slightly confused for some reason with our openers (despite only one wearing a helmet). Anyway, Danny finally retired with heat fatigue after scoring a well made half century on debut. Sackers was next in and unfortunately got a straight one first up and was on his way. Noel then stepped up and with Browny scored some quick runs together and sometime in the 19th over we had reached our target with the loss of only 1 wicket. All credit to Browny who batted throughout the innings and remained around 80 not out – having been on the field for the entire match.
A good win for Darjeeling – which we celebrated with a few pints with the Cannons at the Ernie Ells club.

Darjeeling v Loose Cannons – words by Chef

It was a usual summers day in Sharjah with extreme heat, humidity and not much breeze, the perfect conditions to bat first. Nick Harvey (our fearless leader) lost the toss due to a poor rotation and elevation of the coin which forced Darjeeling to bowl first.

Josh (4-0-40-1) opened the bowling for Darjeeling and looked great from ball 2! Eventually claiming the dangerous wicket of the man who sent it back over his head first ball of the day for 6. Josh’s figures do not do him justice he bowled to the Cannons best batsman all day!
Greg Moses (2-0-17-0) opening from the road end bowled well and was unlucky not to take a wicket. When Greg was asked later in the day to bowl a second spell he refused claiming his sledges were more valuable from the field, or was it Gary’s sledges ? I’m not sure!

Nick Harvey (3-0-29-1) was next into the attack. By this point the batsman were seeing it well and it was a tough time to bowl but he bowled well.

Chris Ward (3-0-18-0) In his first game for the club bowled well, but was unlucky not to claim a wicket.
In need of a wicket Nick introduced Chef (3-0-15-2)into the attack (watch out Agar) the change of pace worked and the runs started to dry up, until Mohit (2-0-26-0) rolled the arm over.
Gary (2-0-17-1) was next into the attack. The batters found it hard to score runs until Nick moved Gary’s straight man on the fence to long off. The next ball went straight over Gary’s head, screaming catch it Gary turned around to find no fielder there. Gary to Chris Ward “straight means F@£&#?G straight”.
Chris Neal chimed in with 1-1-0-1, possibly underbowled!
Loose cannons finished there innings 164-6
The Austrialian duo of Pete Kesby & Chef Andrew opened the batting. The pair were far to intimidating for the U/19, 7ft, opening bowler, who looked like SHE was dressed for the beach rather than a game of cricket. the boys built a partnership of 80 of 7 overs. The first fifty coming from extras (50w-10nb-3b-1lb).
With the score on 80 Pete Kesby run himself out for 6.
Jason entered the crease, as we know he struggles with the short ball that comes on with pace, luckily it was slow and Jason was smashing the ball around. The bowler tried everything to put off Jason, including bowling shirtless and wearing his own sisters shorts. Chef wanted to be as far away from this as possible and departed for 25.
New to the crease was Chris Neal and was looking in great touch with the shot of the day, on the up, high elbow drive for four. Jason continued to bang em round. Special mention to the 7ft giant.  She almost saved one of Jason’s fours to long on but failed. Spectacular effort!
Chris Neal soon departed after making 17 and looking in good touch.
Greg came in to finish the game off with 5 overs to go and not many to get. Jason needed some shade and decided to hit two sixes and a four, Greg chipped in with 3 and it was finished in the 17 over.

Special mentions,
Chris Dommett, kept very well all day taking one catch and robbing Chef of his 3rd wicket!
Gary, for stopping a class drive that was a certain four with his foot…… Whilst umpiring!
Nick H, for setting the tone early in the field. Well backed up!

Darjeeling CC v Loose Cannons Saturday 16th March 2013 – penned by Badger

Yet again another warm afternoon in prospect at the ICC Global Cricket Academy, Brian Scholtz as Skipper lost the toss as usual, and Darjeeling were doomed to the first 20 overs in the field.
With two of the Darjeeling boys still having failed to appear on time, Loose Cannons Skipper Richard Bradstock kindly lent the fielding side 2 able bodied men.
Brian took the new ball himself, hoping to bowl the ball a tad straighter than his previous wayward spell only getting shipped for 8 in the opening over, relying on youth and exuberance from the Academy End our junior player Jacob Raymond kept the ball straight, with the opening batsmen, Clint Birkenshaw and James Elliott-Square rotating the strike for the Cannons. CD Kotze came into the attack in the 5th over hoping to stem the flow of runs, currently over 10 an over, and proceeded to gift the visitors a 22 run over. The Cannons were in full flow and all the bowling options that Darjeeling offered resulted in runs, Ben Jacob, Ash Banerjee, Stuart Matthewson and Gibbon Human all getting carted around the ground.
James Elliott-Square finally departed cleaned out by James Grisdale on the last ball of the 16th over for a fluent 81, the partnership of 188 having done the damage, Ash Taylor joined Clint in the middle for a four over onslaught on the Darjeeling bowling, with the Loose Cannons blasting 94 to finish on 282 – 1 in their 20 overs, with Clint Birkenshaw 142 off 65 balls and Ash Taylor 31 off 12 balls.
Looking at the unenviable task of setting off chasing over 14 an over, Brian Scholtz went for a Jonathan Houghton – James Grisdale partnership hoping that these two could get Darjeeling on track in the run chase, the reality kicking in on the 4th ball as Jonno was cleaned out by Nick Anderson. Chris Dommett strode determinedly to the crease and with his first scoring shot drilled a boundary; his fourth ball saw him waving his bat at a loose delivery from Tauseef Qadri to get caught behind. This brought together the high octane partnership of Brian Scholtz and James Grisdale. With a 21 partnership in full flow Brian found himself trapped LBW by Nick Anderson, bringing the left handed Noel Raymond to the crease for an 11 run partnership, before Big Gris going for a quick single found himself narrowly coming up short with Darjeeling finding themselves in all sorts of trouble at 39 – 4. With Jacob Raymond joining his dad at the crease the biggest of the afternoon’s partnerships was formed with 37 before Noel finally departed for 23, Ben Jacob joined his brother before being ruthlessly bowled by Bradstock. With the over’s diminishing and the tail looking very fragile wickets fell regularly with Jacob going for (9), Ash Banerjee(6) and CD Kotze (1) bought the unlikely paitring of Gibbon Human and Stuart Matthewson to the middle to try and avert a total humiliation with three and a half overs still to be bowled and with Darjeeling sitting on 90 – 9!! This pairing bought the third highest partnership of the day of 20, mainly gifted by wides with scoring shots consisting of two fours and a double. Darjeeling finishing well short of the target on 110 – 9 losing by 172 runs!!