The day after the night before – Match Report of the Year Winner Steve Brown

The Cannons is always an eagerly anticipated fixture and Nick Harvey decided to schedule the game after the awards dinner to give our boys a challenge. Thanks Nick!

Darjeeling had their ‘best’ side out since the beginning of time according to Ash Banerjee, but with 9 lads who had attended the dinner in the squad (Nick Lloyd & Dannie Rees hang your heads in shame), surely it couldn’t be all smooth sailing.

The annual dinner was an eventful night out and after many ales were sunk, I think we definitely have all found it in our hearts to forgive Gris for his wrong-doings…… haven’t we Nick?!

Many of the boys were in fine form with Chris Tebb only drinking pints of bitter as anything to the contrary ‘isn’t a real beverage as it’s not dark and has bubbles in it!’ Hassan gave a vivid description to the type of classy attractive women he goes for, and how quality is more important than quantity. Another kick in the teeth comment as I was under the impression to truly encapsulate the Darjeeling spirit, you had to constantly go to Rock Bottom and panic pull average women when the pizza starts getting handed out. That’s mine and Jon’s excuse anyway lads.

Israr seemed to be in a sticky situation with his date, as Badger’s lodger resembled a rucksack with him clinging on to her at every opportunity. He was pulling out some really sleazy chat up lines and dance moves that seemed to leave the lads puzzled. It is also still up for debate on to whether he actually knows Badger, or actually just lied his way in to the dinner to try and cock-block paying members.

Browny was forced up to do another rendition of Wonderwall, but his below average Liam Gallagher rendition was all forgotten when people actually realised what Julius’ was wearing. His ‘big guy’ upper body had looked borrowed from the set of Scarface, red chinos looking like they belonged to Alan Carr and trainers that would have been better suited to a One Direction music video.

A hugely anticipated question was finally answered by Steve Finnigan on what actually makes him ‘tick’. It was sad to see Greg Moses not there to truly pick his brains on his vague answers and to get into the ‘nitty gritty’ details on some pretty seedy responses. Other highlights included seeing Gully pick up a bar bill at the end of the night. He has to be the only person in the world who never carries cash on him, has no money on his card, but always seems to be blind drunk with a glass of mothers milk in his hand. He also lives on the palm and drives a Mercedes…..work that one out! He stooped to a new low when trying to get sloppy 2nds on a terrible looking girl that Jon had already dealt with. The thought of him dancing round in his tighty whities for an hour is still haunting me now.

Anyway…… on to the game:

The game looked certain for disaster when Julius was caught out being sick in the ICC car park in front of his very unimpressed wife and son. He was almost sick again when he caught Jason Brown eating what can only be described as the world’s largest portion of Burger King. Jason came to watch and immediately snuck in 2 lamb burgers, before polishing off his chips and diet coke. He then very sheepishly glanced around to make sure no-one was watching before pulling out what is rumoured to be a Double Whopper burger, and destroying it within seconds before anyone could notice…… Yes Jason, we saw you eat the third!

Darjeeling won the toss (about the only good thing they did all day) and surprisingly elected to bat! A drunken agreement the night before had meant that the 3 stooges (Browny, Jon & Olly) would all go in first as they are MATES with the skipper. As always Gully went back on his drunken words and demoted Olly to 5. Brown and Houghton, who were more bothered about telling everyone at the ground about the latest chapter in a book of average conquests, were to go out and open. What happened next could not have been predicted. Brown playing on for a second ball duck and Houghton nicking off for a golden duck. Top start!

Even funnier than the scorecard, was the fact that Jon had absolutely murdered it to the keeper but because Gully was umpiring, stood his ground and looked as innocent as Stuart Broad. Gully awkwardly raised his finger with the keeper bellowing ‘How dare you stand there for that!’ Tweedle Dum and Dee were out without troubling Chris Tebb’s mouse and to rub insult to injury Julius’ better half even got involved yelling ‘Guess which team was out on the piss last night’.

Nick Lloyd then came and went for 6 before stooge number 3; Higgens strolled in to get some pride back for his mates. He had recently lit a cigarette so snuck in a couple of pulls before passing it on and strolling out. He lasted 2 balls for 4, with his cigarette still not finished by the time he trudged off. After all last night’s air blowing, the 3 stooges managed to muster up 5 balls between them for 4 runs. Solid contributions!

Dannie and Israr started a mini revival, but when Dannie got cleaned up by one of his new best mates, the score was 44-5. If ever you needed a captain’s innings, now was the time. Enter captain clueless – Mark Gullickson…… The last member of the group who met earlier before the dinner to get lashed and was desperate to help his 3 idiot mates out. Gully did them proud by helping himself to a 4 ball duck….. Cherry on the cake!

Newly crowned all-rounder of the year Nick Harvey joined Israr and finally there was something to cheer about. A 50+ partnership that at least gave us something to bowl at and not get even more embarrassed than we already had. Israr departing for a well-made 34 and Nick making 41.

Tebb and Banerjee were next and with Bradders making sure Moxey had one over left, the mini battle could commence. The battle was delayed slightly as Dannie Rees’ & Julius’ wives caught Moxey’s eye and he was half way off the field to try and help himself before being warned about his gentlemanly conduct! They didn’t hang around and left Julius stranded at the other end (not that he was going to make a difference) with Darjeeling finishing 146ao.

Cameron ‘the Judas’ Coles was to open the batting for The Cannons and went on to his highest ever career score. Every time he represented Darjeeling, he was more bothered about clocking up miles on his fitness watch and doing laps round the field after departing for single figures. Could be worse I suppose; at least he didn’t proposition any of our dates or girlfriends.

Gully’s masterstroke bowling changes were not working to say the least and with Darjeeling lacklustre in the field, it was looking like a slow painful death. None of Darjeeling’s bowlers hit their straps and only a solitary run out (which wasn’t even out) was the only success to be had. Credit has to go to Dannie Rees for conning the umpire with a very enthusiastic and convincing appeal. His enthusiasm wasn’t rubbing off on the rest of the hungover bunch and he kept muttering little digs under his breath such as ‘I can’t wait to play for the cannons more often’ and ‘if there were 11 of me playing, we would win every week’. Maybe he’s been listening to Jason Brown too much!

The Cannons eased their way to a 9 wicket victory and the only highlight after that was Dannie Rees trying to pull Steve Finnigan’s ex bird in the polo club. I guess he’s trying to follow in the steps of Tim Moxey so The Cannons will finally welcome him in.

January 11th, ICC… DCC vs Ericsson X1 (we won!) words by Gully

Typical Saturday at the ICC… the standard offenders supporting hangovers from hell (and some with blue tongues), but there was something out of kilter… it was somewhat overcast and a shower expected… With the batting order and bowling line-up established the previous night, the self nominated skipper Gully thought he would try one on the Ericsson X1 Captain and enforce the DCC rules that we simply bat first. Even with a coin in hand, reluctantly supplied by Smokebomb Tom, assuming the offer would be laughed off, the Ericsson skipper accepted our generous terms of engagement. Pad up boys.

With Dommett a reluctant starter, looking like death warmed up with a serious case of man-flu, we had 10 there…..

There was but one flaw in this well designed plan that was heavily discussed the previous night, and that was the Oasis back-up singer Brownie, who was a key component in said plan, was still leaving wherever it was he had ended up during the early hours of the morning.

With the plan in complete disarray, Dommett dying in the change rooms… the decision was made. Sporting a new haircut, some might even call his new fringe ‘curtains’… Andrew ‘Special Agent Gibbs’ Laing opened with Old Man Jonno and J.Brown duly advised he can probably put his pads back in his bag today 😉

After a few sighters the Old Man started creaming them with some seriously nice cricket shots, Special Agent Gibbs was knocking them around and rotating the strike well. Old Man rocketed to 50 off bugger all before going for a well made 55 off 33. Chris ‘The Silent Assasin’ Neal strode in… not sure what sort of banter was had, but it seems Special Agent Gibbs had had enough and gave one back to the bowler and was out a few balls later for 22 of 20, which is better than a run a ball! 😉 DCC were still tracking on at a healthy 10 an over at 2/88 off 9.

Wonderwall finally got his pads on and wandered out to the middle… or was that just his whites walking all by themselves (yes there is a strange smell in that kit bag!) The Silent Assasin was pushing them around for 1’s and 2’s with ease, the odd 4 and not a dot ball in sight… while Wonderwall was batting about as well as he did on the Rockie’s dancefloor the night before…. Missing a lot outside off. For what can only be descibed as the worst 9 ever seen at the ICC, off 14 balls, he was stumped, but with Old Man umpiring he had already been worded up to fire him if the chance arose.

Smokebomb Tom confidently jogged out to the middle, having had zero impact on any scoresheet for sometime, wishing to make a statement. After pushing a few 2’s around, he cracked a smoking 6 ‘he got all of that one’… trying to do it again, Smokebomb Tom kept trying to give himself more and more room (apparently he was so far outside off stump he was on the second wicket) and got bowled for a quick 15 off 10 balls. All the while The Silent Assasin was compiling a solid innings, we just didn’t know it yet! 4/140 in the 16th.

Feeling weird, with these things on his legs, apparently they are called pads, Gully waddled out for a bit of a hit, knowing J.Brown was on the boundary praying for his early demise. Like a typical skipper, Gully hogged the strike with some 2’s and the obligatory single or a 3 on the last ball of the over… With his lungs exploding and a reappearance of The Vomminator immanent due to far too much running, Special Agent Gibbs made a team decision and fired him LBW for 12 off 8… The bruise on his upper thigh clearly showing where the ball was going! DCC now a bit wobbly at 5/154 in the 18th.

J.Brown was out in the middle before Special Agent Gibbs had even raised his finger and was asking for leg stump…. After his sterling innings the week before, the Ericsson mob had actually worked him out and bowled full and straight. J.Brown attempting to pull half volleys and yorkers off the back foot achieving 5, yes FIVE, dot balls in a row in the 18th and 19th over… but it was time for The Silent Assasin to remind us he was actually out there and spanked 22 off his last 9 balls giving a some respectability to a now above par score and leaving J.Brown with 2 balls to face in the last over and leaving himself at the non-strikers end stranded at 47 not out (well played mate!).

Finally getting off the mark J.Brown pulled a half volley for 2, then on the last ball sort of did it again before being run out on his 2nd run ambling at a pace proving he is ‘faster’ than he looks…. Innings eneded at 6/182.

With respect Chris ‘deathbed’ Dommett offered to keep, truth be known his logic was so that he didn’t have to run around…

With no sign of the sun in these overcast conditions, we got straight out there to bowl. With Etienne, the nicest Safa around, bending his back and bowling some tight lines to the Ericsson gun bats. Bowled his first three well, but without luck 0/17… Gully at the other end was bowling a mixed bag of completely unplayable, and full fodder for four… not wanting to destroy his average and strike rate, he dragged himself after being smashed for a straight 6 in his 2nd over throwing the ball to Dave Mariadason who had been warming up his shoulder since 2.30pm reminding Gully he wants a bowl….

Dave’s very tight spell of 1/17 off his three helped keep the pressure on Ericsson and included a great ankle height catch at mid-on by the Old Man. The drizzle had set in at the ICC now, no downpour, just contstant drizzle… The English in the side didn’t even notice really, just a standard Saturday for them (Di I mention 5-0 and now 1-0 in the one-dayers?? hahaha).

There were tunes on the football pitches next to us, some school sports thing…. Gully, Old Man and Wonderwall were all dancing as if still at Rockies.

At the other end, Gully brought on J.Brown to take the pace off the ball and make it hard to score… in doing so J.Brown got spanked to deeeeeeeeep mid-on where Lame took a great catch, one we were still talking about at 2am later that night. A few balls later J.Brown promptly tore another heart muscle (only a matter of time) … not sure which appendage was damaged this time, but Old Man Jonno came in to finish his over. They came out alright, so he was offered another one, which he took with glee. (I don’t really want to talk about Glee too much, but Wonderwall did have a few auditions later that evening at McG’s!!!)

What can only be compared to some of the worst pies we have seen from a Badger or a Gary Turner… Old Man tossed up what would have to be the slowest thing we have every seen… by the time it bounced for the second time (the author had induced poetic licence rights at this point) half of the team were rolling on the ground laughing, it then finally hit the poor batsmens pads, who was soo confised about what was going on, he asked everyone if he was really actually out… one of the finest pieces of cricket one will ever see. Old Man was duly dragged for taking a wicket with such tripe and finished with 1/12 off his 9 balls.

Wonderwall bowled an uneventful over as the drizzle was really having an effect on the wicket, with Smokebomb Tom thrown the ball, he promptly threw it back to Gully as he slipped on the bowling crease while taking his first step to step out his run up! (didn’t want to hurt his ankle) It was now beginning to look a little like Dancing on Ice from both ends…

Gully took the ball and almost did his knee in his delivery stride with both front and back feet slipping all over the joint…. Thinking a 1-step run up from around the wicket (where there was still some grass) might work out, he got pounded, figures could have been slightly different if Lame had not grassed a sitter at deep
mid-wicket!

Various discussions were going on, Ericsson were 3/80 of 12 and the game was basically already won… no-one in rubbers wanted anything to do with trying to bowl, so the bowling selections were based on who had spikes.

Wonderwall promptly pushed Special Agent Gibbs to the ground and ripped his spikes off him to ensure he could bowl out his spell, and due to the ball resembling a cake of soap at a Dannie Rees/Chris Ward shower-a-thon, he went seam up.

The Silent Assassin, while a reluctant bowler today, had no choice, he was wearing spikes! Ripped a wicket out of his first over, one of the full straight ones at the stumps… amazing game this cricket.

At the other end Wonderwall came to life, with energy, zest and chat, steaming in getting a sharp one up a bit and gloved to the Domminator, while trying not to walk, that noise was heard in Sharjah… on your bike son!

Ericsson reeling at 5/111 off 16

The Silent Assassin ripped another one out , again one of those weird full straight ones at the stumps, interesting strategy indeed, it might even catch on.

With the outfield wet, the ball a cake of soap, and the pitch like an ice tarmac, the game was becoming a bit of a farse and runs were being milked reasonbly easy but wickets kept falling regularly.

Wonderwall’s turn again…. Seam up and another one of those straight ones, bowled. 7/125 in the 18th.

A few balls later one went about 25 story’s high about 4-5 meteres short of mid-off, with no call of ‘mine’ coming from a certain fast runner at mid-wicket whose name we wont mention, Gully had to call it and run from backward square leg, but only getting a a few finger tips to it, running past J.(it wasn’t my fault) Brown enroute. Thus prompting what can only be viewed as ‘angry fast bowler eyes’ from Wonderwall, sorry mate.

Making up for it quickly, Wonderwall picked up his third as The Silent Assasin took a solid catch (he doesn’t say much, but he couldn’t keep out of the game!) Liam Gallagher finished with 3/15 of his four overs, well played, Ericsson now 8/126 off 18.

The Silent Assassins’ last over included the 2nd funniest play of the day…. In any form a cricket it should have been a single to deep mid-wicket… somehow Lame turned it into a mix between Dancing on Ice and a Ronaldo dive in the penalty box as he legs went up in the air and somehow the ball over the boundary for 4. Again… 10 fella’s rolling on the wet grass pissing themselves laughing.

Chris finished with 2/33 of his 3, a bit touched up in his last, now 8/141 off 19.

One over left, the only other man with spikes is our friendliest Safa Etienne… in these conditions it was a hiding to nothing, with everyone really just wanting to get off the pitch a grab a beverage.

Hit for 9 off his last, with the game well and truly over around 45 minutes prior, Etienne finished his 4 with 0/26 and did deserve a wicket or two.

Again, the game was played in a good spirit, good banter with everyone fair game. Thanks again for Domminator to man-up and keep, much appreciated.

MOM for me was Old Man Jonno, not for his rubbish wicket, but it was a quality knock, that’s his 4th 50 in his last 6 innings.

Excellent turn out to McG’s after the game with Lame now becoming one of our ‘mates’ for being much more fun than Julius… Special Agent Gibbs not wanting to go to the pub, but staying until he was almost falling over, Tom smokebombing BADLY and Gully babysitting Wonderwall and Old Man again.

Over and out…..

The New Season opener – words by C. Tebb

So a new year dawned for the Darjeeling Cricket Club with a new year of hope and expectation against a new opponent; yet the traditions remain, meeting Gully with beverage in hand for example. The troops summoned by Captain Moses for a 1400 start, mustered around 1315 at Oval number 2 at the ICC and greeted each other with exciting tales on New Year adventures whilst awaiting the opposition. Greg insisted that they were well aware of the revised start time and instead tried to distract everyone with the new uniform for 2014. The less said about that the better, but there were some new definitions of tightie whities in that changing room.

Being organised this year for the averages and aided by modern information technology, Chris “Statto” Tebb arranged the soldiers up against the wall of the score box in order to be each shot several times (with a camera). Mugshots duly taken, Gully somehow escaping by refusing to put his kit on until absolutely necessary, talk turned to the soon to be over Ashes series; 30 seconds later the pros and cons of the Super 15 Rugby were being debated at much greater lengths. Time check 1355 Zulu and no enemy action in sight.

Thankfully at 1405, some oppposition appeared; their captain duly explained that when they were told 1400 start they thought 1430 and also that they got lost on their way to the ICC. Oh well, 1430 start time – no plan survives contact with the enemy; as their captain explained that the only car missing was lost and contained 5 of their players in it. Hmm with the ICC staff sceptical that all the overs would be complete before role call, Captain Moses negotiated a DCC bat based on, “the Darjeeling rule” of the oppposition not being there for the toss and well, we always bat first.

The non-appearance of the last members of the oppostion’s squad brought some diquiet to the ranks, there were murmurs of, “Well maybe we should get started and just field first.” Captain Moses stamped out the dissention and finally the remaining squad of players arrived and play began at 1450 (sic) with Private Cartwright and Sergeant Houghton striding to the wicket.

So began the cricket, finally! The opening pair eager to get on with started scratchily with Private Cartwright perfecting the air shot and Sgt Houghton content to collect singles. In the third over after finally getting bat on ball three times for 6 runs, Pvt Cartwright nicked one to a delighted keeper (FOW 12-1, 3.2) Recruit Pretorious joined the Sarge in the middle and carried on where his sadly departed comrade left off. Sensing a NCO’s example was needed, Sgt Houghton flicked the switch from accumulate to pinch hit and went from 5 off 6 to 33 off 16 very quickly (5x4s 1×6). Alas, like at the Battle of Hastings, seeing the opposition in retreat and giving chase Sgt Houghtong duly edged to the keeper chasing a wide one and perished (FOW 47-2, 5.6). Enter Sergeant-Major Brown who promptly announced him self with some silky shots to all parts of the boundaries; this must have woken up Recruit Pretorius who decided that the opposition Grenadier #1 must be punished for poor technique and started bashing the poor man over the ropes for two straight 6s. The new found confidence aided by his own corp of photographers spurred on the young gun and two further boundaries were plundered before the karma of making the Sgt-Major run three, ensured that Recruit Pretorius advanced down the wicket only to be stumped for 33 off 19. (FOW 98-3, 9.4) The halfway mark was reached with the Tea Leaves 100-3 with Sgt Major Brown joined by Corporal “Punishment” Al Huq. What follows will remind those old enough, Brigadier Turner maybe, of the Battle of the Somme; pure carnage. After seeing themselves in in the 11th over (2 scored), slaughter began in earnest. The 50 partnership coming up in just 37 deliveries (JB 19(16) – IAH 29(21)); unfortunately for the opposition Grenadier #2 came onto bowl to whom Cpl Punishment decided was fair game, 50 for GI Joe off just 28 deliveries (4x4s, 4x6s). Deciding that Grenadier #3 was more to his liking the Sarnt Major moved to his 50 (36b, 5x4s 1×6) with an agricultural shot over long on. The 100 partnership followed at the end of the 19th over and with sniper-like precision and clinicalism(?) a whopping 25 runs were plundered from the last over. (Not the most off a single over in the match but this innings). Sgt Major Brown fininshing on 60* off 41 balls with 7x4s and 1×6 and Corporal Al Huq 76* off 35 balls with 5x4s and 6x6s. Darjeeling finishing on 224-3 off their 20 overs in a rapid 80 minutes.

Given just 80 minutes to try and bowl their 20 overs, Darjeeling’s platoon of likely lads took to the field, with Captain Moses expressing that Dajeeling expects that every man should do his duty and give no quarter bowling, fielding or sledging. Cpl Punishment given no respite by the ever-demanding Captain opened up from the School end and after the obligatory initial wide, the Ericsson opener declared, “Game on, old chap,” and carted the Cpl over the long off sightscreen for 6 first ball! From the Academy end Captain Moses took it upon himself to go where the eagles dare and despite the obligatory ealy wide (comedy moment when Brigadier Turner started begging the oppostion umpire to behave, after giving a swing and a miss, wide of Cpl Al Huq in the first over) bowled a wonderful line and length giving away nothing. Captain Moses gunned down a very tidy looking opened in his 2nd over, squaring him up a beauty and taking an edge through to Recruit Pretorius. (FOW 24-1) Consensus was that the Umpire would not have given it, had the opener not started walking before stopping and waiting for the signal. Form the other end Cpl Al Huq was victim to some wild slashing and deliberate stroke play yet the benficiary of the “Ian Bell scoop to Cover” to pick up his first wicket of the season, (FOW 27-2) and finishing with 1-31 off 4. Captain Moses, inspired by his own pre-battle address, caused no end of problems to the batsman and after a personal duel with the number 4 yorked him with the 2nd slower ball in succession. Cpt Moses finishing with 2-13 off 4 including a maiden.

In to the attack Cadet Flight Sergeant Tebb (CCF RAF) from the school end and after a few balls of getting the radar correctly aligned, delivered a ball of good length and line, with a hint of away movement to pick up his first wicket of the season. (FOW 48-4). Warrant Officer 2nd Class Gullickson was introduced from the Academy End and soon picked up where he had left off from last year, showing all the tykes how to bowl swing properly. After taking a full bloodied drive to the midsection Flt Sgt Tebb was withdrawn as his run-up was taking too long and light was receding quickly, 2-0-15-1. WO2 Gully continued to tease and trouble that batsman, but as is nearly always the case when we bowl, the batsman just were not good enough to edge it. It was at this point that the oppostion decided that they were going to enjoy batting at the ICC rather trying to chase an ever increasing run rate. Brigadier Turner into the attack and with no back up from his field alternated bewteen being shown respect and being shown no respect, youngsters these days, eh? After Warrant Gully finally picked up his deserved wicket (3-0-3-1) he was retired to allow the Grand Rear Admiral Banerjee to announce himself on the game; which he duly did. Last years, alleged, leading wicket taker starting with a double wicket maiden, including an oppostion Umpire giving an LBW!! The Brigadier was again let down in field with a dropped catch, no names (the author) this drop seem to trigger some new thought process in the opener’s mind. To around this point he had sedately acquired 40 or so runs but in the last 4 overs overcame his shell sock and unleashed a brutal counter attack. 8 and 12 off Brigadier Turner’s last two overs and after bowling his penultimate over, to the oppostion player most resembling a Badger, conceding just 5; the last over was something spectacular in the rapidly fading light. First ball – long off,
WO2 Gully runs to his left, just over him; SIX. 2nd ball – long off, WO2 runs to the right, just just over him; SIX. Third – long off, WO2 runs in, just short; SINGLE. 4th to the tailender, SINGLE. Fifth ball – straight, straight, straight and on to the roof of the ICC; SIX. Last ball – long off – way over him; SIX. 26 off the last over; opener suddenly finishes on 97* and Grand High Rear Admiral goes from 2-1-5-2 to 3-1-31-2. Tea Leaves still win by 76 runs! Mention in dispatches for Private First Class de Boinville who got pad rash and then fielded.

XMAS Match on the 27th December 2013 – words from G Human

It was the night before Christmas……… hang on that’s another story

It was the festive Darjeeling cricket game held in the midst of Sharjah, far far away from the North Star.

True to the etiquette, fashion and reputation of Darjeeling, the 1pm start became a 1:20pm inshallah get together and with a possible 1:30 start.

Most players arrived with a lot more of a different spirit than the intended Xmas spirit. This spirit grew as the game progressed.

The two wise “G’s” were self nominated and went forth in selecting the team – Team Gary and Team Greg put their teams together and with a minor one or two last minute changes the final teams were selected. Winning the toss for this game was of upmost importance and Gary being the strategist pounced at this opportunity to nominate his team to bat.

The rules were fairly simple – play cricket and have penalty drinks. For those not there, a brief description;

3 dot balls – drink for the batsman

Wides/no balls – drink for the bowler

Bad fielding, good or bad batting, drop catches, 4 or 6’s, bad wicket keeping etc etc…

Basically anything deemed right or wrong justified a drink.

The opening pair of Paul and Brandon took to the crease and Team Gary’s tactics were already put in motion. The first drink took place within the opening 3 dot balls for the batsman and then the fun and games began. Team Greg and his team were fined with drinks for the first 5 overs, bad bowling and fielding, it was only in the 7^th over when the first 4 appeared and that’s when the batsman also got involved with the drinking game. Paul runout, “Jagermeister”, Brandon retired with 50 plus “Jagermeister”, Jason a Goldie “Jagermeister”, Isra retired “Jagermeister”, “Jagermeister” “Jagermeister” “Jagermeister” “Jagermeister” Kym in and out “Jagermeister” “Jagermeister” etc….

Batsman score, bowling figures – available on request

Bottle of “Jagermeister” finished and advantage Team Gary. The innings ended with 190 off 20 overs.

Drinks break – as if it was needed.

Needing 191 to win – Johno and Ash opened for Team Greg putting on a great partnership of “who gives a damm” “Jagermeister” – substituted with beverage and cheap wine. The game was now in very high spirits and it became even better (thanks to Brandon’s dad) when a 2^nd bottle of – yes you guessed it “Jagermeister” made its debut. Same as the first innings, no balls “Jagermeister”, wides “Jagermeister”, fours, sixes “Jagermeister” “Jagermeister”, beverage, “Jagermeister”, wine “Jagermeister”. Johno good knock, retired “Jagermeister”, Ash great score retired “Jagermeister”, Kym bowling – worst for the day lots of “Jagermeister” etc etc .

Again Batsman score, bowling figures – available on request.

Lots of dropped catches to be expected from a sober Darjeeling team, no different from a spirited team.

PS – News flash for all Sharjah and Iran residents – there were no reason for concern regarding the light tremors experienced during the afternoon. This was only the result of a good attempt but bad result dropped catch “Jagermeister” and one of the highlights was a great attempt of a diving catch – more of a falling over attempt but roughly about 5 meters away from the ball, “Jagermeister”. No names mentioned at this time.

The game was going to be close, run rate achieved, then a wicket “Jagermeister” – pressure was on both captains. Advantage Team Greg in the last over, only 8 runs needed for victory – Tom stumped “Jagermeister”, 3 balls 3 to win. Greg eventually found the crease – The final showdown Captain against Captain, wide called and there seemed to be a hint of “match fixing “ in the air, 3 balls 2 to win. Greg a swing and a miss, 2 balls, 2 to win, another ripper from Gary, Greg sways back, big swing and another miss.

Advantage Team Gary, last ball, 2 to win. Another big swing from Greg, confusion all round, Brandon throws back to the non strikers end, Gary allegedly fumbles the ball and Greg is through for the single.

THE GAME ENDED IN A DRAW.

Great finish to the 2013 Darjeeling year.

Team photo and pleasantries followed.

DCC vs The Lions at SES 13th Dec 2013 – words by Hassan Saeed aka Darth Vader

There was much anticipation in the lead up of this game against The Lions at SES. Our Skipper for the day was Boom Boom Jason. The start of the match wasn’t encouraging with only eight DCC guys showed up on time ( I suspect the rest were still recovering from their hangover after over indulgence of some sort the night before). At the toss we had no option but to bat first which seemed a sensible decision as our opening pair of Israr and A Lang put on 42 runs for the opening wicket after 7 overs.

Israr departed after making 24 runs and looked in good nick before being caught on the boundary. A Lang was caught and bowled for 13 the next over with the score on 47. It was up to Johno and Jason to build on the innings. Jason was out for 3 runs, bowled by one of their chucker’s with a suspect action. With the score on 52 or 3 there was some panic in the dressing room, then Kym strode to the crease and made 8 runs before being caught, the score was 70 for 4. Gully was out for a duck and the score became 70 for 5. Johno in the meantime was batting well, and when Ash came out to Bat they both steadied the sinking DCC Ship to post 122 after 20 overs. Johno made an unbeaten 50 with 2 4s and 1 6. Ash played well for an unbeaten 11 runs of 8 balls. However the DCC total of 122 was never going to be enough and we were at least 30 runs short. The extras column was the third highest score at 14.

Now it was up to our bowlers to perform some of their magic if we were to defend a a below par 122. Israr opened the bowling along with Gully and Israr was bowling with pace and bounce and had some of the Lions batsmen in trouble. He finally got a wicket in his second spell clean bowling on of the Lions Batsmen for a duck. By then the match was pretty much over though. The Lions opening batsmen made a solid start with the openers making 15 and 38 respectively. We were never in the game as we needed to take wickets regularly and hold on to our catches, (we dropped a couple of absolute sitters). Dave got the first wicket after their opener was caught for 15 with their score on 70 odd. After Dave and CD had finished their spell, the spin doctors Ash and Kym were called into the attack and both bowled tight spells. The next wicket to go was their other opening batsmen who scored 38 after being stumped by Johno of the bowling of Ash ( Score was 90 odd for 2). Mohit also bowled an over. The Has was called into the attack and bowled his usual fiery spell and picked up a wicket towards the end with the score on around 115.Here are the DCC bowling figures.

Israr – 3 overs 1 for 16

Gully – 3 overs 0 – 25

Dave – 3 overs 1 – 28 Ash – 3 overs 1 – 16

CD – 2 overs 0 – 20

Kym – 2 overs 0 – 15

Mohit – 1 over 0- 10

Hasan – 2.3 overs 1- 8

The match lasted until the 19th over with the Lions chasing 122 with 6 wickets in hand. All in all a disappointing result, but am sure we should bounce back strongly.

Match Report from Jono Houghton, Fri Dec 6th fixture…

Venue: Sharjah English School
Teams: Darjeeling CC v Something Champs (No name on the score sheet!)
Conditions: 25-30 degrees. Clear blue skies.
Hangover: Worst for wear after a long night out with Brownie and Gully and two hours sleep.

The day began with Darjeeling 23-0 after three overs. This is mainly due to the fact the game began with two members failing to show up on time with Houghton being in Albania the night before and waiting for an ‘airport pick up’ from Gully who as always was running late. Eventually both members arrived and were informed that Captain for the day Gary Turner negotiated the toss by explaining to the opposition captain ‘We are Darjeeling, if you want to play us we bat first’ if only all Darjeeling captains followed Captain Turners lead. Brownie and Dommett opened up and put on a solid partnership before The Domminator was bowled for 13 with a couple of expertly guided edges for 4. Darjeeling starting well on 46-1 after 5 overs.

Houghton batting at 7 needed to make some quick inroads and advised Dannie ‘the lol’ Rees to get out as soon as possible with Dannie quickly obliging being caught for what can only be described as an adventurous 7. Meanwhile Brownie was knocking it around confidently and looking good. In came Jason Brown who was quickly targeted by the square leg fielder who observantly pointed out that J.Brown could well be a run out candidate – J.Brown chirping back by saying ‘I’m faster than I look’. That theory would quickly be tested. In other news Brownie was clearly upset that his mates Jonno and Gully hadn’t come in to bat with him, he therefore took it upon himself to make sure this happened as soon as possible and duly ran J. Brown out without him facing a ball – direct hit by said square leg fielder. Darjeeling now struggling on 56-3 after 8 overs.

In came Brandon and he immediately took a liking to the bowling knocking them around before Brownie was caught top edging one for a well-made 37. Israr was next and put on a good partnership with Brandon worth 45 before being cleaned up for 14 trying to up the scoring rate. Darjeeling now 128-5 after 17 overs needed a strong finish to the innings to post a competitive score. In came Houghton scoring a quick 12 caught at long off, Andrew Laing bowled for 4, Brandon sacrificing his wicket trying to steal a quick single run out for a very well made 44 with 5×4’s. Captain Turner coming in for the last ball scoring 1*. Darjeeling finishing up on a respectable 158-8 in 20 overs on a slow outfield.

Attention now turned to what bowling options Captain Turner had available and there certainly was not much to choose from with only Israr and Gully (debatably) classified as our quicks. Nevertheless Darjeeling strode out confidently with Israr taking the first over. Israr and Gully began well keeping things tight with Israr having an absolutely stone wall LBW turned down by – in the words of Captain Turner himself – ‘cheating fuc$%@£&king C%^un$ts’ or words to that effect and Israr chipping in by telling the umpire ‘It’s because of people like you that Pakistanis have such a bad reputation’ NB: It could well have been slightly more X-rated than that. Soon after, Gully made the first breakthrough with an equally outrageous LBW decision – bowling around the wicket to a right hander, hitting his thigh pad and the umpire raising his finger. Gully finishing up 3-0-23-1 and Israr a very economical 4-0-16-0 unfortunate not to take a wicket. Opposition now behind the required rate at 39-1 after 7 overs.

Captain Turner strategically or perhaps through no other choice took the pace off the ball by introducing Brownie and the LOL who kept things tight before Brownie and Dannie both got hit for 13 and 18 in their last overs bringing the opposition back into the game approx. 100-1 in 14 overs. Perhaps unsurprisingly the Darjeeling fielders did not help matters with catches being shelled by Andrew Laing and twice by Houghton, sshh sshhh sshhh. Houghton however received good support from his team mates Brownie and Dannie who abused him for the next few overs with Captain Turner removing Houghton from the boundary and bringing him in the circle. The abuse obviously got to Houghton as when the ball was hit to long off he turned to throw back some abuse of his own to his ‘team mates’ at long on and deep midwicket which meant he was not following the game and failed to back up the throw from the boundary…The opposition stealing an extra single.
Brownie 4-0-23-0 and Dannie 2-0-22-0.

With the game now finely balanced and the opposition requiring 59 from the last 6 overs with 9 wickets in hand on came the star of the show Captain Turner who blew away the opposition batsmen with flight, pace, drift and guile (allegedly) taking wickets regularly including a hat trick maiden over. Captain Turner 4-1-22-5 was supported by Houghton from the other end conceding just 9 from his 3 overs at the death quieting his critics and backing up his captains decision to introduce him into the attack. Darjeeling winning comfortably by 20ish runs.

Good contributions by Brownie and Brandon with the bat with good catches by Brandon and Brownie however the Man of the Match undoubtedly belonging to Captain Turner for his 5 wicket haul. Beverages were had, banter exchanged and another enjoyable weekend of debauchery and cricket.

Darjeeling CC vs. Fly Dubai CC, SES, Fri Nov 29th – words by Ash Banerjee

Captain’s Log, Stardate 29.11.2013 (Gregorian)

These are the voyages of the cricketship Darjeeling, with its mission to boldly go where no cricket club has gone before…

It was one of those rare days when the crew assembled early. By 1 pm, 9 of 11 were present, with Mo having recused himself due to a family emergency but Julius’ mate Liam co-opted as a replacement and waiting for a runabout to SES to dock with the club’s enterprise.

Liam had sent the most endearing introductory email to the club: “Julius, if you’re looking for a low-scoring pie-chucker who can’t catch, then I’m your man,” so he was in like Flynn.

All ready for battle we were, except our opponents flydubai, an avian species, were missing from the designated zone of battle. Over banter it was agreed that tardiness was unacceptable given the time of genuflection had moved up to 12:15, and the toss would need to be negotiated favourably.

By 13:30 the opponents were still scarce and it was agreed that Darjeeling would definitely have the opening salvo; Officers Laing and Ward were instructed to suit up for battle so we could engage soon after the oppo eventually arrived.

Around 13:40 the opponents began straggling in, and the skipper negotiated and agreed first dibs for the ship, while urging the opponents to hail the rest of their crew on all available frequencies and summon them to the Neutral Zone in order for the skirmish to conclude before the early sunset.

Meanwhile Liam’s runabout had still not materialised, the despatchers of Dubai Taxis off-form as usual, while flydubai were true to form, arriving late as their aircraft usually do.

Finally at 14:00 both sides maneuvered themselves onto the battle zone, the avians opening with the phazers of Asim and Praveen while Officers Laing and Ward defended with shields at 100%.

Defend they did, and how! The plan was for Andy to turn the strike over while Wardy, in his first proper batting outing for the club, used his youth, muscle and the benefit of coming in off the night shift to give the bowling a tap. But the best-laid plans of mice and men… Wardy, proficient in the art and science of fighting fires, refused to set the SES alight and decided to bat himself gently into form over an extended live net. Andy, trying to compensate under instructions from Julius (umpiring) and get the ball off the square, was drawn into unnaturally expansive but generally unfruitful shot-play. Both missed more than hit, the oppo kept dropping dollies, and after 10 overs, half-way into the battle, the good ship found itself at a sedate 45/0 with just a solitary 4 off an overthrow, while the storm-troopers Pretorius, Brown (J) and Ul Haq were champing at the bit in the grandstand.

Meanwhile, Liam’s runabout had yet to arrive at its point of departure.

Finally the first wicket fell to cynical cheers in the 11^th over, Andy lbw to Ilyas for 18, and in walked Brandon and promptly moved the score along rapidly with a triplet of 2s, then a 3 and a 4, bringing the game to life and the grandstand out of its beveragey torpor.

Meanwhile, Liam’s runabout was finally en route, with its occupant (newly arrived in Dubai) clueless about where his destination lay.

After 14 overs the skipper exercised prerogative and beamed Wardy back from the holodeck, retired for 28 in the larger interests of the team’s endeavour. The virtual teddies departed the virtual pram briskly, and it needed a Yoda-esque “Sublimate your individual needs you must, to the team’s overall interests” chat to get Wardy on-side again.

Jason replaced Wardy and carted it around briefly before falling for 7 to an outrageously unlikely catch, much like Brandon for a well-made 27 in the previous over. Then Izzy walked in and set upon the bowling, cracking a quick 30 not out with four 6s, while Julius was quickly in and out for 1, and Etienne smote a quick 14 (including a pulled 6 over square-leg) before being run out, the Abu Dhabi lads doing the business.

Meanwhile, Liam’s runabout, despite the pilot being instructed precisely (Exit 64, etc.) in Urdu by Ground Control, had still not managed to deliver Major Tom.

Neil, borrowed jock-strap and all, with a quick 3-ball 6 (1×4) in the last over saw the club to a sub-par 144/5 after 20, the consensus being we were about 25 short.

——Commercial break——

(This is the first and last time I’ll plug a commercial message from the club’s current main shirt sponsor, before they are replaced by the TV-wallahs whom Badger and I have locked in for next year.)

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—–End of commercial plug—–

Given the sub-par total, the skipper fished out a Dukes newie, proclaimed “I’ve defended a paltry 90 at The Sevens so we could pull this off if we bowl and field well and keep our heads” and rallied the ship’s complement for a concerted defence.

Meanwhile, Liam’s runabout was still en route but the avians were kind enough to offer up 13-year-old Anas to field for us, and he was promptly hidden at fine leg.

The avians opened with Adnan and the redoubtable Azeem, with the former skying one to safe-as-houses Gibby at mid-on in Izzy’s first over as we celebrated the early breakthrough.

But #3 Rashid proved resolute and Azeem opportunistic against Izzy and Wardy, both swinging the Dukes ball well at pace, then against Jules and Etienne, and at the 10-over drinks break it was 67/1 with the game still in the balance, Darjeeling having bowled and fielded really well (Jason outstanding in the covers), the field in good voice in support of the bowlers.

Meanwhile, Liam’s runabout had somehow managed to find an unknown wormhole and ended up in Romulan space on the wrong side of E-311 somewhere remote in the Sharjah constellation, so he was instructed by Julius to head back, money down the drain, unfortunately.

The skipper then brought himself on to bowl the 11^th from the Uni End with Neil bowling the 12^th from the Tank End and removing Rashid for 29. Not too many ensued, then Azeem was well caught at long on against the setting sun by Izzy off Ash in the 13^th and it was game on.

Neil got rid of #4 Aslam in the 14^th but unfortunately Tanmay at #5 took 3 consecutive 6s off the rest of his over to swing the balance and it was going to be uphill from there on.

With the game still in the balance in the 16^th, Izzy ran out Tanmay at the bowler’s end, but the non-striker Rizwan had made his ground at the wicky’s end, the umpires didn’t know the rules (effing numpty-fied Daleks they were!), our concerted appeal and subsequent polite discussion with the umpires and batsmen ending up fruitless and Tanmay refusing to go, proving conclusively that he wasn’t avian at all, but a Kling-on.

With Ash finishing his spell after the 17^th, the fast men Izzy and Wardy bowled well briskly in the fading light as retribution for the wrong decision on the run-out, but the avians got away in the penultimate over, winning by 5 wickets with the Kling-on Tanmay 42*.

The bowling figures: Izzy 4-1-21-1, Wardy 3-0-29-0, Etienne 3-0-24-0, Julius 3-0-25-0, Ash 4-0-11-1, Neil 2-0-29-2.

So a pyrrhic victory for the old enemy, but we will fight and win another day. The reading of the book followed, over a few cold ones on the turf, the usual piss-taking and banter, then eventual departures.

DCC v The Abu Dhabi Bedouins – words by J.Mooney

Saturday 16^th became not only a famous day in cricketing history to celebrate Sachin Tendulkars final game for India in all formats, but also for what we hope is the start of a regular fixture for us at the Emirates Palace Ground in Abu Dhab
Despite Andrew Laing sending out encouraging emails at 7:49 for a 9:15 push back from the EPPCO petrol station in Media City we set off a little later than expected thanks to the ever reliable Gully. Dannie “Dave Twit” Rees quickly grabbed the front seat as the precious little flower gets car sick, much to the delight of Sackers Mum Molly who called him a wimp and told him to man up. Unbelievably Mr. Brown (jnr) and Mr Houghton (also jnr) were there ahead of time but not looking a picture health after an all nighter at Sandance (Steve I know you mum reads this so I won’t mention what the girl from the night before knows her way around…). Jono physically couldn’t remove his sunnies until about 2 in the afternoon and Steve was….well Steve….his usual uncontrolled dribble coming out in full force – I am Sparta…etc etc.
After a stop off at the Ibn Gate hotel to pick up our VVP member Jason Brown, why he couldn’t meet us at EPPCO is beyond all of us, we were heading down SZR at not a particularly fast pace. Beverages and breakfast were consumed and the usual tweedle dum and tweedle dee banter from the back was had (Due to Ash Banerjee request this banter is X rated and cannot go into here so as not to upset the DU IT team). (Dum = Jono, Dee – Steve – please see picture below – taken on the bus). After a very quick stop off to collect Captain Harvey from his hotel on Yas and very near miss of Mooney wetting his pants (bladder of a 4 year old) we had made it to the spectacular venue – only 45 minutes late.
Harvey won the toss and elected to bat, a decision that was made only because he was worried we would all continue to drink and be unable to physically field later in the day….(Laing did a superb job ensuring there were two cooler boxes with over 80beverages). Actually the choice to bat probably would have been a better one, as I am sure we would not have messed up the numbers….Being the bright boys we are we started the first over with 12 men on the field….Gully quickly volunteered to sit down and nurse his hangover with a Malboro light and a cold beverage
Chris “Fire-man Sam – with an 80’s porn star movember effort” Ward had the honors of opening up the bowling and started very well, he was unlucky not to finish up with any wickets but kept the runs to a minimum with a very tight line and length….Chris finished 3-1-14. At the other end Mooney, freshly back from his paternity duties and a 5 weeks absence from the club bowled a fairly tight line, after his first ball got smashed for 4, he managed to get one on a length and saw an absolute screamer of a catch (+some juggling) taken by Tweedle Dum in the slips (glasses still on). Mooney finished with final figures of 5-0-35-1 including a 2 over tight spell at the death.
With Mooney subbed off for Gully, Gully feeling slightly more refreshed came on as first change. It was soon apparent after his 2 overs that he would have preferred stay off the field. Despite some good “chat” to the batsman who responded by smashing him for another 4, Gullys day apart from a drop catch (which he didn’t even see and was knocked back 6ft) was over – Final figures 2-0-29-0. Ettience bowled better from the other end and after a return spell later in the match finished with 4-0-27-0.
Pick of the bowlers Nick Harvey was great from ball one, bamboozling the opposition batsman and getting his reward with a good LBW against the Bedouins second top scorer. Selfishly Nick took himself off after 3 overs in the anticipation that he might get a bat – Nick finishing with 3-1-6-1
Dannie “Dave the Twit” Rees was somewhat lucky to take 2 wickets in his spell, but did bowl a fairly good line until his final over went for 14. His first wicket a solid LBW followed by an absolute pile of dog poo full toss which was taken very smartly by Chris Neal in the deep. 4-0-23-2.
Tweedle Dee (Steve Brown) finalized proceedings when the batsman were going for the kill, deservedly snaring the wicket of the Bedouins top scorer in the final over when he was really smashing it – Chris Ward took a great catch over his shoulder… 4-0-26-1
Other Notes from the field:
Chris ward – told to move away from the boundry by Dave Rees as his was too close to his wife (Dave got a bit jealous, and knows his wife has a thing for fireman with Nasty Mo’s)
Gully – mnnnnn apart from the drop catch….nothing
Jason Brown – advising Dave Reece that he does know how to play cricket, when Dave suggested he moves a bit wider
Johno – great catch – was on the field for a total of 6 overs
Sackers – great efforts in the field (thought about claiming a bumped catch…)
Given the great efforts in the field Darjeeling were set a fairly modest target given the quality of our batsman and the size of the pitch of 163.
Paul Sackley and Chris Neal opened up for DCC…Sackers wasted no time by crisply driving his second delivery for a lovely 6 over mid off….Not to be out done the very next over Chris hooked the other opener for a big six. Some divine shots from the men in the middle took DCC to 50 without loss until Mr Sackers edged one to the keeper…a fine 25. Chris Neal followed soon after cleaned bowled trying to late cut the spinner for 24.
When the opposition saw Jason Brown come into the middle they took they’re foot off the pace and immediately brought on their D list bowlers…However looks certainly can be deceiving – Jason had immense fun smashing these bowlers all over the ground… by the time they brought on their top bowlers Jasons eye was well in and even these lads got carted around…At the other end Dave Rees was also causing carnage including hitting 25 off one over…..Dave secured victory in the 17^th over with a huge six over the covers…
Top knocks from both Jason and Dave. Jason hats off…was a cracking innings….Dave you were average….
Jason finished 54 not out off 33 and Dave a quick fire 49 not out off 26 balls.
After a few beverages with the opposition it was time to say goodbye to Abu Dhabi and head back to Dubai…Thankfully the return journey was a little more civilized Tweedle Dee slept for most of it and Tweedle Dum just looked glum. Special thanks to Mr. Andre Laing for organizing the refreshments and the bus!! All in all a cracking day out!

Darjeeling CC v TAHA CC – words by Kym (not a girl) Harris

It seemed fitting with South Africa playing Pakistan in a test match in Dubai sports city, that Darjeeling would attempt to do the same, by fielding 5 Safas, all equipped with hidden zips, to tackle a Pakistani Taha CC in a 20/20 on turf at the ICC.

Meeting in the dressing room bright and early, it was clear from Gully blaming a maid for his whites misplacement, and Ollies text message at 3.40am to Danny to be picked up, but now not answering the phone, that DCC may start what a basketball team describes Noel Raymond…. short.

A toss was lost, and the inevitable occurred, Darjeeling would field. Gully arrived, had a few heaving practices, and 10 men proceeded to take the field, with captain Tideswell donning the pads. English pastures have seen less grass than the pitch that had been prepared, but as many have experienced in Rock bottoms during school holidays, with grass on the wicket, let’s play cricket.

Moses would open from the Southern end, and although struggled with his length, immediately got a breakthrough, and again in his second over eventually finishing with 2/18 off 3. Ward fired up from the Northern end, pestering the batsman with a good line, and the promise of some real pace with his Mitchell Johnston like ink. Neither the pace, nor the wicket came but finished off with 0/15 off 3, respectable on a pitch that didn’t want to offer too much assistance.

Danny arrived, Ollie not in tow, without his kit, but more worrying without a towel. So whilst the rest of the DCC players plundered who may be asked to dry the bald head, Danny had scavenged together a uniform, and made up the 11 on the field.

Tideswell made the change, and Brought on the second and third Safa bowlers to get the breakthrough. 2 blistering overs from the younger of the Kurten brothers, Barry (0/6 off 2) put the pressure on, allowing Ettiene to take 2 wickets in 2 tight overs (eventually finishing with 2/17 off 3). The first of which proves why even a moan can be classified as an appeal, with the umpire giving it out LBW before people had even realised what the muffled sound was. Taha were struggling at 4/48 off their opening 10.

Drinks were taken and Gully trudged in, refreshed for the first time in 3 weeks from water with no hops. Ward would drop a sharp catch in the covers, leaving the silver brumby wondering if his teammates have a disliking to catches off his bowling. The theory was certainly plausible as Kym came in first ball, claiming an edge, and the brisk movements of Hassan at point clenched onto a catch.

The number of safas in the team was questioned when a complaint about the ball was made, but we explained it was made in India, and it was merely dismissed. Very similar to Saturday night supermarket disputes in Durban.

Gully and Kym would keep the wickets falling, with Gully getting one through the batsman defences, and rocking his middle stump, a method not requiring his fielders help, and Kym giving Tideswell the chance to get a good stumping on a turning pitch. Gully finished 1/20 off 3, and Kym 2/31 off 4.

Hassans nimble, panther like movements in the field got him the nod for a bowl, and although the batsman took the aerial route, non went to hand, finishing with 0/30 off 2. Taha CC 7/144 off their 20 overs.

Darjeeling made a steady start to the chase, with their very own Geoffrey Boycott, Andrew Laing (2 runs off his first 16 balls faced), and the larger of the Kurten brothers, Greg, taking the opening duties. A quick flurry of boundaries from Greg, brought tears of pride to Barry on the sideline, before skying one too many finishing with 25.

Same name, different family, Moses strode to the pitch, and pelted a quick fire 32, Andrew Laing continuing to push singles on occasion. At drinks Darjeeling were 1/63 off 9.3 overs, called early due to Moses clearing the boundary, leaving Taha some time to find their pride along with the ball. It didn’t take long after the break for Greg to hit one too many skywards, holing out to midd on.

Barry (the proteas team activities manager) Kurten, hit a fine 18 off 9 balls before being trapped plum in front. If he had laid bat on ball he would have been given not out, yet bat on air is not a saving grace for anyone. His displeased complaints were duly noted and considered, but not even Oscar Pretorious could get the benefit of the doubt on that call.

Laing and Ward quickly followed suit and fell on 14 and 1 respectively, giving Taha a sniff, but Tideswell (34*) and Gully (10*) steadied the ship and put on 37 for the final stand. Not even a time limit pressure given by the ICC security guards could faze the 2 twilighters, and on a five minute warning, even with 4 overs to spare, 26 were hit off the final 10 deliveries, seeing DCC home 5 down and 2 overs to still be bowled.

Beverages in the cricket stadium were to follow and watch the final hours of the test match. A brilliant way to finish a Saturday of cricket, and always keeping that spark alive of what one could have been instead of a Darjeeling cricketer in Dubai. But we surely are not complaining.

Friday 18th October T25 Darjeeling vs Victory Chalisa XI: Scribed by A Laing

My life fades.

The vision dims.

All that remains are memories.

I remember a time of chaos. Ruined dreams. This wasted land.

But most of all, I remember The Cricket Warrior. The man we called “Nick Harvey”.

To understand who he was, you have to go back to another time. When the world was powered by the black fuel. And the desert sprouted great cities of pipe and steel. Gone now, swept away. For reasons long forgotten, two mighty warrior tribes went to war…

And so it came to pass that Darjeeling XI played a 25 over game against Victory Chalis XI at SES on Friday 18 November 2013. Unbeknownst to our very own Cricket Warrior Nick Harvey, his family & friends had sneakily cooked up a cricket match to celebrate his 40th birthday. Well to be more correct (despite numerous hints and clues along the way), he didn’t work it out it until he happened to pull into the same service station on the way to the game as all his friends and family (suspiciously all of them happened to be dressed in assorted white clothing lugging large coolers full of snacks, ales etc).

After recovering from the shock, Nick as Captain of Victory Chalis XI proceeded to win the toss and elect to bat. Girish Monie and Andrew Laing opened the batting on a sunny afternoon. To spice things up, Girish also had an accomplished runner (Trupti Harvey) doing duty, so the running between wickets was the subject of more negotiations than the latest US Congressional Budget Deadlock Crisis. No matter, the Victory XI sneakily worked the ball around until Girish was out bowled by Hasan Saeed in the 5th over with the score on 28 (Girish making a stylish 3).

In came Noel Raymond who along with Andrew added a quick fire partnership of 38 in 4 overs before Andrew was out for 22 (one 4 and one 6) to a good catch down the legside by keeper Ian Potgieter standing up to the mystery spinner, Russell Goulbourn (Score 66 for 2 after 9 overs). Next man in was Elliot Spencer who made a guarded 9 before being caught by young Jacob Raymond off the bowling of Mohit Manwani. In walked Nick Harvey, the birthday boy himself, who together with Noel took the fight to the bowlers.

Nick hit three 4’s in a quick fire assault and ended his inning with a well thumped 6 – Retired on 35. Noel hit one 4 in his stay at the crease and also ended his innings on a well hit 6 – Retired on 31. After this there was some interesting styles of batting on display with big shots being attempted with variable levels of success. Steve Finnigan made a absolutely dashing first ball duck, being stumped by Ian off the bowling of Barry Cummings. Steve Cook then made a cautious 7 (all in singles) before also being stumped by Ian off the bowling of Mohit. This was followed by quick fire innings of 1 from Bridget Irvine (caught by young Jacob Raymond off the bowling of Jason Brown) and another well played innings of 1 from Robyn Harvey who was caught and bowled by David Mariadson. Ben Raymond and Ash Banerjee (one 4) provided some stability as the wickets tumbled and both were not out at the end with 7 runs each. As per a long-established tradition, Extras at 40 was the highest score and the innings closed after 25 overs at 161 for 7. Darjeeling used a total of 9 bowlers, five of whom took at least one wicket. Destroyer-in-Chief was Mohit with 2 wickets for 14 runs off 3 overs. The award for “Most Airmiles Earned” of the innings goes to Barry Cummings for his 1 wicket for 39 runs off 3 overs. And the mystery spinner (even he didn’t know where it was going to bounce!) Russell Goulbourn was economical with 1 wicket for just 9 runs off his 2 overs.

After snacks, sandwiches and a few (or possibly more than a few) well-deserved beverages, Darjeeling XI went out to bat with Jason Brown and Russell Goulbourn doing their duty as openers. Steve Finnigan and Ben Raymond opened the bowling for Victory Chalis and it was young Ben who made the breakthrough by having Russell stumped by Noel Raymond for 4 runs. In came Hasan who made a good partnership with Jason before being bowled by Nick Harvey for 14 (with one 4). This bought Warren Spencer to the wicket which did not last long as he was stumped by Noel off the bowling of Ash Banerjee for a very entertaining duck.

CD Kotze came in to stop the rot and despite surviving a rightly vociferous appeal for a first ball stumping (the umpire at square leg clearly needed new glasses and dark comments were passed on his abilities and parentage) went on to score 12 runs (hitting one 6) before being caught off the bowling of Ash. Meanwhile Jason had been steadily accumulating runs and retired for 30 (with one 6 and two 4’s).

At this crucial stage Barry Cummings and Mohit Manwani came to the wicket and proceeded to put the nail in the coffin of Victory Chalis’s hopes. Barry bashed a thumping 30 Retired (one 6 and three 4’s) and Mohit provided good support with 22 Not Out (all run with no boundaries so he must be quite fit by now!). Paul Shrigley added the last few runs and was 3 Not Out at the end.

Darjeeling made the required target with two overs to spare and kept to tradition by making sure Extras at 41 was again the highest score of the innings. Best bowler for Victory Chalis was Ash Banerjee with 2 wickets for 18 runs off his 3 overs. The award for “Most Airmiles Earned” of the innings goes to Elliot Spencer for his wicketless 3 overs that went for 24 runs. Robyn Harvey also turned her arm for 1 over of 11 runs – her figures were not helped by some seemingly harsh interpretations of the laws of wide balls.

Man of the Match went to Nick Harvey who was presented with a fully engraved trophy to mark the occasion for his 35 runs and a tight bowling spell of 1 wicket for 19 runs off 3 overs.

A video of the event was provided by professional film maker extraordinaire, Lou Shrigley and can be watched at: https://vimeo.com/77318686

All agreed that it was a great day and many thanks to all of Nick’s friends and family (especially Robyn and Tripti Harvey) for the arrangements, snacks and drinks.

Darjeeling CC v Wombats CC – words by Chris "Stato" Tebb

Someone must have forgotten to tell the powers the be that the summer should be over as Darjeeling Cricket Club took on the Wombats at the ICC on a hot Autumn Saturday. As the Darjeeling elite moseyed on into the changing room for plenty of pre-match banter, the Wombats enthusiastically took to the field for a very professional looking warm up.

After the squad had assembled and it must be said, on time, Nick Harvey strolled to the middle for the coin toss which he duly won and after much deliberation decided “we’ll ave a bat first”.

Openers Chris Neal and Crayton Apps took to the field and Darjeeling were off to a great start with 2 fours from Neal in the first over, however on the last ball of said over, Neal Bowled by Abid for 8. Next in was Jason ‘Averages’ Brown looking to rack up some runs after a small absence from the club due to some niggling injuries. After facing a few balls to get his eye in, looked to be getting comfortable but was yet to get off the mark. Brown was then shocked to hear Apps call for a very dubious single that subsequently lead to a relatively easy run out for the visitors and DCC were 2 down for just 9 runs.

In steps Higgins to try and settle the nerves that are starting to show in the faces of on looking team mates. However after some 1s and 2s and the occasional 4 from either end and the score board ticking over slower than the UAE’s unrelenting summer, Higgins was trapped LBW for 12. It must be said that John Houghton’s innings was almost the mirror image of Higgins with some neat 1s and 2s and the occasional 4. His dimise was a catch off the bowling of Farid with a total of 12.

Nerves and tempers frayed, not helped with short cameoes from Tideswell (1) and N.Raymond (0) who can usually be relyed on to cement a middle order. Out strides the Vice Captain, Nick Harvey, determined to change the tide of an ever worsening situation. Some at this point may have forgotten that amongst the carnage of the middle order Apps’ name hadn’t yet appeared on the wicket list and they would be absolutley correct. Harvey, getting his eye in with some singles and then unleashing a fury of bondaries; whilst Apps at the other end, stubborn as the preverbeal mule, added to the mounting partenership with singles and doubles of his own. Harvey was finally stumped for a respectable 31 from 35 balls. The score now a very modest 114 / 7.

Apps finally surcombing to the heat was stumped trying to up the run rate which brought in Josh Smith for a short spell of 4 runs from 5 balls. Andrew Laing and Chris Ward then took to the task of seeing the remaining overs through and try to put a decent target on the board for the Wombats to chance. What ensued next was arguably the best partnership of DCC innings with some magnifisant stroke play, sharp running between the wicket and great communication between the two young batsmen. (A few leaves for the top order maybe). Ward bowled Haroon ending the DCC batting at Laing 10 not out, Ward 21 and Darjeeling CC 170 all out, 4 over short of completing their 40.

DCC took to the field with heads slight bowed at the daunting task that faced them. The new nut was handed to Josh Smith and Nick Harvey respectively and after a few overs each the mood started to pick up as both bowlers were keeping the run rate fairly low. This was helped by some sharp fielding that lead to 2 quick wickets, the first of which was a stunning run out from Ward and shortly after a solid catch from Neal. Darjeeling very happy to see the backs of the two openers. This was however short lived as the replacement batsmen planted themselves at the crease and subsequently up the run rate. Smith 7 – 0 – 38 – 0, Harvey 7 – 1 – 33 – 1 and Ward 5 – 0 – 37 – 1.

Something needed to be done, so the captain made the decision and the nod was given to our very own Stuart Mathewson, better known as Badger. Raymond’s sixth sense for wickets was spot on as Badger was rewarded with two from very good catches on the boundary by Neal and Apps. Mathewson 4 – 0 – 24 – 2, a few other cameos from DCC bowlers included Neal 1 – 0 – 8 – 0, Gully 2.4 – 0 – 24 – 0 and Unnamed in the score book 1 – 0 – 4 – 0.

Catches, Run outs, shape fielding and cameos however were not enough and the Wombats easily reached their target with plenty of overs to spare. A very sporting decision was then made that DCC would remain in the field and bowl the allotted number of overs so that the opposition got their moneys worth for the day.

The result certainly wasn’t one that Darjeeling CC would have hoped for however another smashing day of

cricket was had with plenty of banter and laughs shared.

Darjeeling vs HSBC

Saturday 5^th October

With a 1030 start foxing some of the lusher DCC players and the prospective sponsors forcing Steve Brown to be on his best behaviour. Skipper Sackers then asked every player what to do if he won the toss as he fancied a bowl, fortunately peer pressure told and after winning the toss he chose the right option. HSBC took to the field with only 6 players after 4 new players did not turn up! Despite the sparse field, neither of the openers Browner nor John H could take advantage and after a self-confessed scratchy 15, Steve departed with the score on 23 in the sixth over. Cameron tried to accelerate the scoring but perished to Josh’s trigger finger for 13.

Captain Sackers strode to the wicket intent on increasing the sedate scoring rate (57 off 9.2) but fell for 9 off 13 trying to score off a wide. Enter Chris Neal who succeeded where the other failed and playing proper cricket shots increased the run rate. After Johno retired for 41 at the end of the 16^th over, Badger strode confidently to the wicket and confidently strode back one ball later after playing what Browner described as French Cricket around a straight one. Gully helped Chris maintain the run rate until Chris fell for 36 off 17 balls. Josh (1*) and Gully (16*) managed to help DCC scrambled to a respectable 169 for 6 off their 20 overs.

With Sackers asking for a brisk over rate as our time slot was fast approaching its deadline, Josh duly obliged with a wicket first ball. Etienne opened at the Academy end and bowled tightly save the 4 and 6 that were smeared off his 5^th and 4^th ball respectively. Josh returned for a second over but forgot the skipper’s instructions and decided that he enjoyed bowling in the sticky heat and promptly bowled 12 deliveries in his second over. Ash was getting plenty of exercise as the umpire, with his arms up and down like a windmill in a decreasingly enthusiastic manner. Josh(1-17,2) was withdrawn and Chris Tebb brought in to the attack. Chris and Etienne then bowled tightly only to see some lusty smears reach the boundary off good balls. Etienne was withdrawn after 3 (0-19) without breaking a sweat despite the rest of the team doubling in weight with their sweat saturated shirts.

Chris picked up his first wicket for the Tea Leaves with the score on 52-2 after 7. Sackers then started the Midas touch routine with the introduced Neil Colbeck striking first ball. Four tight overs from Neil effectively won the game for Dajeeling (4-0-1-24) before Sackers repeated the trip introducing Gully for Chris 1-24 (3), who promptly bowled the HSBC batsman first ball. Gully picked up another two wickets thanks to good catching from Chris Neal, who also chalked up a direct hit run out. Badger bowled the usual floaters that normally bring great success; unfortunately just the one wicket this time and one also striking the Academy on the full about two-thirds of the way up(3-0-18-1). With Gully bowled out with figures of 3-24, Sackers offered a bowl to Chris Neal, who declined, so he bowled himself going for a miserly 5 in the 19^th over. HSBC finished on 135-8 off their 20 overs, resulting in a 34 run win and a 2 for 2 weekend for Darjeeling.