Emaar Eagles and the good ship Darjeeling – scribed by J Dot

Abandon hope all Ye who enter here………………….

Pirates don’t do Valentines aarrrrrrrrr they do Cricket arrrgg.

So the 11 lost souls forever condemned to Captain Davey Jones locker, decided to play the land lubber game of cricket avast.

By virtue of elimination Gul dog selected J.Dot to captn said team of scurvy dogs, hence fore he shall be known as Captain Hook, for his love of the short ball arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. (more on that later).

The opposition was late by process their cur dog of a Captain could not use his sextant and arrived late, some form of land device known as email was used as an excuse, but we made them have a choice of field or be keelhauled. They chose the former and Captain Hook armed his sailers with wooden swords known as bats. Avast ye sea scum, batten down the hatches as we will let loose Bilge Boy Blikkes to plunder and pillage the bowling attack!

Accompanying Bilge Boy was Brad “the Glacier” Wissink know for his exploits with Romanian Gypsies, Glacier is not deferring to his Ice cool temperament but his strike rate in said T20. So haul up the sails and make hast me lads as it gets stormy. Bilge Boy wielded his sword and took the Eagles to task, but was cheated of his wicket by ricochet from the keepers armour and was stumped for a quick 21 off 16, back to swabbing the deck for you Bilge Boy.

Meanwhile the Glacier was ebbing forward and steadily ensuring the scoreboard ticked over, Chris “Cut Throat” Neal joined the Glacier and started well until the natives captured him with the old playing back to a spinner ploy, bowled he was and for his crimes he was banished to the brig to think on his crimes, I ordered the cat o nine tails but a mutiny called for few lashings only. Jamie “Cabin Boy” then upped the rate with a few lusty blows, and some cricket shots as well. However he let his Captain down by committing Hari Kari the Japanese pirate suicide. Run out for 29 off 18. The Glacier kept advancing, the ice age cometh……

The ship was listing badly now, and it was inevitable that she would go down to Davy Jones locker with all crew aboard. Able seaman “Able”, chipped in with 10 bowled, by a sea urchin, and the Glacier was the bizarrely stumped after he ran from his crease after the keeper managed to finally keep a ball in his Krakken arms, this surprised the Glacier so much he went looking for mermaids somewhere about mid pitch and the krakken removed the bails, thus ending the ice age.

Still his 45 from 49 kept us afloat whilst others were floundering in the deeps. Arrrrrrrrr Avast ye.

This left 13 balls for Captain Hook to do something, hooking wasn’t it and he has his capstan removed trying to cut (the head off) a straighter delivery. So we rounded the cape of good hope and the Saffa’s joined with Viv “the Gentleman” Botha making a cameo 7 off 3 and Brian “Bosun” Williams not out on 8 with Tim “Tall Timber” Davy not out dead eye’s 0. So the good ship Darjeeling ran around for 156 off 20 and no treasure in sight, avast the wretched albatross of bad fortune!

As all good captains do, I rounded on the crew and blamed them, I also flogged them mercilessly and removed rum privileges. At the same time I looked at the stores and decided to open up with the big guns on deck. Unfortunately Greg “The Deserter” had deserted, we will find you and keelhaul you deserter.

The map to the rest of this story is missing just like our treasure, the scurvy dogs destroyed the evidence and we only have anecdotal tales of whoa and despair.

The Gentleman lived up to his name being very nice to almost blast the opposition out of the water with his big guns firing twin salvo’s arrrrrrrrrrrrr 2/21 from 4 ye scurvy lad, Cut Throat taking 2 behind point. Gul Dog bowled like a busted arse, and needed to have a rest on a desert island, after going for more than required, 0/26 from 3.

Krishna “Hare Rama” used all 6 of his arms to deceive the Eagles, but his navigation was off at times, leading to a 2/26 from 3, though I swear arrrrrrrr with a few more months at sea he will improve. Bosun was bowling well, using some sort of sling to catapult the ball down the wicket, when tragedy struck and he jammed his finger in the mechanism and had to have it amputated, at the elbow. bowling figures lost at sea.

Tall Timber was useful but one of the opposition took a liking to his offerings in his last over, again poor record keeping has left us with no answer to is he any good, he’s tall and offered the capt that he had a 4th in him.

I disagreed and sent him to the briny depths (third man).

Bilge Boy was asked to plunder some more and obliged even without a snickers, death bowling is his forte and he deliver some fatal blows as sharks sensed blood in the waters, and a feeding frenzy started. 2/million off 4

Capt Hook rolled his hook down at the death as well, had his wooden leg break on the second ball, and could then only bowl off 3 steps, Still entertaining and less runs than Cut throat…………arrrrrrrrrrrr

This left us with Cut Throat and 21 req, dishing up a compass wide first ball he tempted the gods with the reducing target, next ball despatched to the boundary and it was suddenly all on, a 2 from the next ball leaving them with 14 req off 3, thanks Cut Throat…….still a third run out ensured victory for HMS Darjeeling. Arrrrrr

Other highlights, Jamie “Cabin Boy” slipping like bambi on ice due to no spikes,green grass and dew, he actually winded himself once……….Roger the cabin boy would be more useful arrrrrrr.

Viv the Gentleman also almost killing himself on the boundary trying to stop a ball.

The 3 way fake run out, 1 take shot at stumps with no one at the stumps miss by a nautical miles, 2 wait for batsman to try to steal a second run, 3 have the fielder who backed up the 1st throw hit stumps, Pirate win.

The hit it back to the bowler run out, 1 hit slow full toss straight back to bowler, 2 have the non striker batsman run the entire length of pitch, 3 easiest run outs ever.

Cameo appearance, Danny “Shoeless” Rees, fielded for 3 overs when the Bosun went for amputation.

So despite running aground on the rocks HMS Darjeeling was re-floated and plundered all and sundry, with wenches kidnapped for good measure and rum rations restored for all……..

Cookout Kings – words by Jon Houghton

10am – I woke up with a sense of anticipation. Was it because it was Valentine’s Day? Or perhaps I thought England might surprise everyone by beating the Aussies at the MCG? Nope, it was the world renowned Master Chef cook off taking place in the afternoon at the Dubai International Marine Club. I rolled out of bed with a rather strange looking women next me, could it be that on V Day I had finally found the love of my life? I dragged myself downstairs to see the Aussies absolutely smashing England in the cricket much to Kym’s amusement. It was while I watched yet another embarrassing English performance in Australia that I pondered asking the all-important question to my date. ‘Did we meet in Societe or Rock Bottom?’ Alas love can wait another day. Now onto the cooking competition…
12pm – Darjeeling were skippered by Nick Harvey with a supporting cast of Kym Harris, Andrew ‘Chef’ Mathews and Jon Houghton. We decided to meet early in Barasti in order to discuss cooking tactics. How could Kym, Nick and I look busy while our very own Chef prepared the meal? The first order of the day was the make sure we didn’t call Andrew by his nickname, especially in front of our nemesis – The Loose Cannons. If he were to be asked what his profession is he would simply reply with ‘I’m a car salesman and left arm pie chucker’.

2pm – We arrived at the scene of Darjeeling’s biggest challenge yet and after seeing what foods we would have to use Chef quietly tapped Nick on the shoulder…’We’ll win this.’ It was on. Having agreed upon the batting order, our role was simply to give as much of the strike to Chef.

2.40pm – Chef took the lead cutting and marinating the steak with Nick ferociously chopping away while Kym and I stood by the BBQ discussing how to grill the perfect pepper (And asking Chef every two minutes if they were ready). To liven things up a bit I walked over to the Cannons’ cooking station and began recounting THAT infamous Sting night in Abu Dhabi, this obviously had an impact on Moxey’s concentration as he overcooked his steak. Darjeeling 1 Cannons 0. At this point my team mates called me back as I was tasked with the very important job of adding pepper onto our peppers, an easy task some might think but this was the make or break point of the competition so the pressure was on…As I tried applying the pepper disaster struck and I broke the shaker and covered our peppers with an entire bottle of corn pepper. Never has the caption of ‘You had one job’ applied more appropriately.

3.20pm – The meals were cooked and ready to be judged. As we eagerly awaited the results, the Judge came back out and announced that our very own Darjeeling Cricket Club had won and qualified for the Final! (Winning a brand new Weber BBQ in the process). We had finally extracted revenge on the Cannons for all those one sided games we have recently had against them. After taking a couple more parting shots at them we retired to the bar waiting for our 5.30pm final. Round 1 Man of the Match was Chef for a well-paced ton with invaluable contributions from Kym, Nick and I.

5.30pm – Pissed. The final began with some of Darjeeling’s team members looking a little worse for wear. The ‘secret’ ingredients for the final were a Lamb shank, sweet potato and various fruits. After a five minute board meeting where Nick made numerous suggestions to Chef about what we should make, we unanimously agreed we would listen to what Chef said and follow his orders. As I don’t remember much of the next 40 minutes I’ll cut to the result. We lost to a team of Emirati men & women as we had apparently added too much salt and garlic…If only I was tasked with adding pepper again…Net result – Chef got a first baller and the game was as good as done after that. His hotel will be getting a letter from me complaining about his excessive use of garlic!

6.15pm – A very enjoyable day with excellent support from Kym’s mum, Chef’s missus and non-other than Olly Higgens (When the F@%k are you back playing cricket?!). A great way to spend a Saturday afternoon with beverages, friends, laughs and pepper. As always thanks to Nick for organising it and Chef for winning us a free BBQ!

DCC v Omnicom – words by Simon "Schoolmaster" Cook

After winning the toss and choosing to bat, DCC made a terrific start with both Nathan and Jono scoring freely in the powerplay. With the loss of Nathan (for a breezy 30) and the field spread for the slower bowlers the scoring slowed slightly in the middle overs. Jono and Dannie picked up ones and twos until an over of 22 broke the shackles.
When Dannie was finally out ( his final score being 32 for 5), it was left to Jono and the middle order (Ben/Raj) to see DCC to a very competitive score of 174 of which Jono’s contribution was a fine 76.
In reply Omnicom were never really in with a shout. Dave and Rich opened the bowling and both picked up early wickets. All the bowlers were backed up well in the field with some excellent ground fielding and an enthusiastic keeper who picked up a couple of stumpings.
With Gully and myself brought on to relieve the openers, the required rate continued to climb with wickets falling at regular intervals. There were a few lusty blows which never threatened the Darjeeling win and Raj mopped up with 4 wickets. He narrowly missed out on a hatrick with a fine display of controlled, accurate bowling.
The game was finished in style with an excellent diving catch from Jamie and we were able to enjoy a slightly earlier beverage due to finishing the bout within the distance.
Another enjoyable victory. A lovely way to spend a beautiful afternoon .

DCC v Hard Hackers – penned by Viv Botha

Greetings all from your jolly tall safa
As I sat very early indeed at the Icc admiring its brilliant facilities my wife mentioned to me that it was already 13h10 and the game is starting at 13h30 (according to my brilliant email reading) I started feeling a little drop of sweat brewing on my forehead… Had I got it all wrong are we playing at the 7s??? I did a quick 100m dash to the reception which resulted in me almost rupturing my spleen and had a quick chat with the receptionist ( and I did not swear I promise ) and he took 1 look at me and said yes Darjeeling are playing at 2pm, well I was relieved.
Now onto cricket, Captain Mike Tyson (Jono) still rushing with adrenalin from his 12 rounds in the ring with a lad the night before LOST the toss and we were put into field. Greg Moses opened the attack and bowled with some fire and aggression and was unlucky not to take a wicket but finished with 3-0-11. From the other end Viv had a go and bowled with the slightest amount of aggression and was quite polite in complimenting the batsmen on how he has the ability to play such unorthodox cricket strokes… ( well thats how I remembered it at least ) 4-1-28 good catch from Krish at covers. Blikkies then came into the attack with the drip still attached from the hospital and bowled a tight first over then the fever from his ebola took charge in the second and he fetched a straight drive 6 finishing with 2-0-15. Kesby the aussie spin destroyer bowled with some fine turn and restricted the hackers ending with 4-2-26, Sir Ash bowled a fine spell bamboozeling the batsmen ripping through them with brilliant figures of 3.5-3-27. Krish had the luck of the Irish with him and as they say s#%t takes wickets and he proceeded to take 2 quick wickets off full tosses and one which went down leg and got hit straight to Kesby at short fine leg however wickets are wickets. So the Hackers aka hard hitters were restricted by good bowling and brilliant fielding ( as there were only 2 drop catches which I think is a new record for DCC, jolly good show lads ) for a mere 128 all out in the 19^th over.
Captain Jono Tyson opened the batting with a rather pale looking Blikkies, the fever got the better of him and he perished without troubling the scorers and just made it off the pitch where he rolled over and proceeded to almost cough up a lung ( get well soon mate ). In came Greg Moses who got a peach of a nut and got bowled for a uncharacteristic 6. Brad came in at 4 and batted around captain Jono who batted wonderfully and they put on a decent partnership until Jono took revenge on Brad for running him out when he was 16 years old hitting it onto the bowlers foot which hit the stumps at the other end running Brad out for a hard fought 15. Jono however began to re-enact his previous night and started to slap the bowlers to all corners of the ground. Chris at square leg called a no ball as Hitters “spinner” chucked one which resulted in their Captain dropping his lip and walking off the field. We needed a diplomatic person here to save the day and none so other than the Cool headed Tall safa Viv to offer his skills at square leg and so the game continued. Jamie batting with some fine timing of the ball ticked the score board over until Jono decided to get bowled with a fine knock of 81 thus bringing Kirky to the crease who eased the last 3 runs needed off 2 balls. Jamie finishing on 11 not out. DCC winning by 7 wickets. Some shook hands afterwards most went sulking off but we had a good laugh in the change rooms with some beverages and ended up at the Els club for a few pints!
Ps… beware of the hand dryer in the ICC changeroom its the spawn of Satan….
Cheers
Viv ( the polite bowler )

Thank You for your donation

Here is the very kind email that was received by Chris Dommett and Nick Harvey, the catalysts behind DCC’s fundraising efforts in memory of Simon Fowler

Dear Chris and fellow members of the Darjeeling Cricket Club,
On behalf of Médecins Sans Frontières (MSF), it is with our deepest gratitude that we accept a gift of AED 104,000 from the Darjeeling Cricket Club in honour of the late Simon Fowler.
We are honoured that Mrs. Fowler and the Darjeeling Cricket Club members chose to dedicate the 24 hour cricket marathon to MSF’s international medical humanitarian response. Simon was a generous and loyal friend of MSF. During his lifetime, he thought of people around the world who had been affected by conflict, natural disasters, and epidemics; he used his passions, like music and cricket, to act as a catalyst with MSF to help those who need it most, like refugees fleeing the crisis in Syria, the thousands affected by the earthquake in Haiti, and children plagued by malnourishment in Niger.
Simon’s support was a message of solidarity and hope that continues with his legacy, thanks to the Darjeeling Cricket Club.
It is because of supporters like Simon that MSF was able to respond immediately to the Ebola crisis in West Africa. And it is because of supporters like the Darjeeling Cricket Club who have carried on his legacy that MSF has been able to see 2,195 Ebola patients survive. Your collective support has had a tremendous impact on MSF’s response to Ebola, translating into sending 24 doctors to West Africa to treat patients on the frontlines of the crisis.
On behalf of MSF’s field staff, and more importantly, our patients – thank you. We could not do this work without you.
With gratitude,
Mohamed Bali,
Executive Director
MSF UAE
Doctors Without Borders / Médecins Sans Frontières (MSF) \ أطباء بلا حدود

DCC vs HMS Somerset

One from yesteryear – thanks to Gary Turner

More Turkey’s PLEASE – words by Nick "Ironman" Harvey

There’s a certain glow one feels when you arrive at the ground for the Darjeeling inter-club Christmas match and the smiles that greet you are both friendly and warm. But, if you look closely you can detect a hint of something else. As a child you’d share that smile with your friend just as you agreed to bunk off school; as a teenager, before you were about to get laid; a smile that promises tomfoolery to come with a soupçon of vice……………….nice.

Stark differences were apparent on meeting the two skippers of the day. The Southern hemisphere skipper, Greg Moses looked stoic and fit (now that he can bench press his own body weight); Gary (True Grit) Turner on the other hand appeared at best grim and at worst like death after five seconds in the microwave (now that his two day marathon drinking session was over). Imagine therefore, Gary’s glee of learning that our little warm-up session was to be a 100 metre dash across the pitch at the team briefing………but did baulk at the idea? Did he fook! Gary, Turner……..True grit!

A week ago or so, I sent around a mail requesting some of the players’ vital statistics which, I’m sure mildly irritates people (I thank yee all for humouring me), but all bar one was duly returned with some interesting results. For those of you with an occasional fetish for useless information – below a summary of the stats:

The average age of the squads was 37.5 years old
Average height, 180cm (5’10¾)
The average BMI, 29 – which, if the Darjeeling Cricket Club Christmas Club squad were a country
would make us the fattest in the world bar Tonga & Micronesia (well, it is Christmas afterall……!)
Members below 6 feet lie about their height…….Julius, 5’11”? ………per-leeease…!
The average time we’ve ever run the 100m (from the sensible answers) is 14 seconds
Our allergies include; pineapple, alcohol, non-alcoholic drinks, virgins (not sure how he found out about that one – would have been fun testing it though), Jagermeister, 4x4s with baby-on-board stickers, pollen, pretentious ar*eholes, Palestinian Bankers, furry dice, penicillin, top quality spin bowlers and a couple of Darjeeling members! (no names of course!)
The average weight is 94kg (14 stone, 12lb in old money)

The reason for acquiring the statistics was not to set up a dating site (as was suggested) but to set a handicap for our 100 metre sprint across pitch (which I once again miscalculated). So after the team briefing and sweepstake draw we had a little pre-warm up session with Ben Jones’ camp scissor step manoeuvre catching the eye. We lined up in our selected rows with poor young slim Jason Stewart looking to make up 8.5 seconds to the high-handicappers. The young and fit never stood a chance, J Dot cut the ribbon first, Dommett pulled a hamstring and despite my best efforts of pulling him back, I was pipped at the line by Johno (….the shame of it). Coco came up the rear. We then sauntered off to the changing rooms muttering & cursing under our breath between gasps of air.

GT won the toss and elected to bat, opening with Cockcrusher (Coco) and the Beast (Badger).

It being Christmas and Darjeeling having a penchant for playing silly-buggers, all batsmen took a swig of good-ol-Jagermeister before striding out and for all bowlers (and returning batsmen), a jager-jelly was dished out by the umpire complete with freezer bag over their shoulder.

Neither stuck around for long despite Etienne’s purposeful drop off Coco’s skied leading edge (he was later heavily-fined). This brought Juggernaut Mooney and the Dominator to the crease with Julius in particular smashing fours to all parts of the ground. Chris, with a knackered hammy, was less enthusiastic between the wickets than his usual scampering-self. Chris Bridle was half way out to the square to act as runner before (you’ll never guess) Badger came bounding on to act as Chris’ legs (apparently, he wanted to get in the game…!). Chris was visibly distressed/amused (delete as appropriate).

All in all, the North had three retirements (as we were playing Taverners’ rules); Julius, Dommett & Me). There was a couple of memorable moments that exemplified/tested the ‘spirit-of-the-game’ Firstly, Julius claiming and GT awarding five penalty runs after Gully’s delivery was hit by Chris on to his cap lying behind/near the stumps and secondly, me being recalled by Greg and others after being giving out by Coco LBW some way out of his crease. Indeed, the exuded body language of the South at half time as they strode off avoiding eye contact and the offering of water was akin to that of the Australian’s during the Bodyline series against Jardine’s England (well similar to that from that series that was on the telly anyway).

Rich Hallows, Lee Dawson and Julius (on his second innings) all chipped in, but the total of 158 after the North’s 22 overs always looked 30 runs short. The South had three notable bowlers to speak of namely (Velvety) Etienne (3 overs, one wicket for 10 runs), Jason Stewart (3 overs for 14) and Jason (Breathless) Brown (3 overs, three for 14)….well bowled Gentlemen.

The Southern Hemisphere opened with (Sensitive) CD & Nathan (Caring) Cartright and for a while it looked they were making a game of it. They scrapped and scrabbled about and were just 20 odd after 6 overs. Chris Bridle (great to have you back in the squad by the way) forgot he was playing cricket as he chested one down from CD’s miscued drive (both umpires heard the distinct drumming sound of leather on ribcage). CD eventually found himself (to be joining many others) in Badger’s famous hutch as Nathan fell to……err someone else…?
Potty, usually effective, failed to impress and one Mr. Nick Lloyd was less than impressed after being run out cheaply. When cordially reminded of his duty to take his obligatory jager jelly whilst marching off, was heard to retort “well f**king bring it here then…!” (ooooo-oooo!).

Andrew Kirk, managed to better his previous Darjeeling batting effort (by facing a ball) and just made it to double figures
but was dismissed before reaching twenty.

The winner of the sprint, Mr. Breathless Brown was next to the crease and from the minute he took his jelly and guard, looked purposeful and determined to make his twenty and retire. Joined by Ben Jones, the big guns had definitely arrived. In reply, True Grit whipped out his cock-crushing secret-weapon and Ms. Caroline Toussaint was thrown the ball. Twenty minutes later, both Big Guns were back in the paddock, both falling victim to Coco’s charms in spectacular fashion. Firstly, Ben, playing forward was bowled with Coco getting the best of his length and secondly, Jason, honey-trapped in as he smashed Coco (Jason’s length, definitely shorter than Bens’) in to the deep only to pick our Richard Hallows with laser-point-accuracy. Both J Dot and Richard wore the same “WTF??” expression (both in total disbelief…..for different reasons). But in the end Mr. Brown had to go and take his goodbye jaeger-bomb.

Next in was the South’s skipper, Mr Greg Moses who’d been swaggering around all day with his chin raised more above horizontal than Agmal’s arm is bent. He marched to the crease and took very little time in stamping his authority on the game with True Grit falling prey to a very brief but very brutal onslaught (with Greg’s 20 coming in just 7 balls). The North lost 22 runs in that over and the tide had tipped. In short, the South’s tail didn’t merely wag but beat the North’s bowlers to all corners. Etienne, too finding the middle made his retirement runs thereby, bringing Kymbo & Gully (10 & 11) to the crease.
True Grit looked deep into his arsenal and brought Coco back into the attack with Badger chirping away to Gully about being dismissed by the fairer sex. Gully’s reply was to play a beautiful slog sweep off one knee from a Miss Toussaint full toss that looked to be heading straight to the awaiting Badger at deep backward square leg. There are two-sides to every story and I think it’s only fair to share both.
Badger: “…it flew well over my head and miles over the boundary”
The Entire Southern Hemisphere: “…it went through your hands mate”
Personally, I believe Badger.

That shot did, however, make the run chase far simpler with both Gully and Kym finding the boundary fence. With two and a half overs to go Gully was dismissed (for the second time that over) which brought back Mr. Moses and the game was all but lost. There was a bit of hand-bagging round the boundary and on the pitch over bowlers and batsmen not used (I felt …….it was just the right amount of animosity) as the last few deliveries were bowled. But with the winning runs hit hands were firmly shaken and bums warmly slapped as we headed off to the changing room to read out the book and the fines.
Sugee won AED 400 on the sweepstake for pulling out Breathless Brown and I wish I could remember more about the fines (duly punished Vodka and yet more Jager shots) of which some were brilliant. Afterwards, I think all bar two or three then headed to the Els club for dinner and the promise of AED10 drinks. A great session was had including a revival of obscure Darjeeling XI’s – this time we had the Psychologists’ XI (as, in those of need of seeing one). I believe it was Ben Jones that picked up on a running theme, i.e. that the majority were South African (and all agreed most were decent players….!). Perhaps, a new question to be added to the membership questionnaire?

DCC Xmas — Before the festivities really got going.

On a personal note, congratulations to the South (again) on winning the match and thank you to everyone for being such a good sport and making it such a memorable day (and night).

Christmas Match 2014 – words by Nick Harvey

The People have spoken! – the overwhelming choice for the Christmas match has been to stoke up a bit of Hemispherical rivalry….
So on Saturday 27th December post-festivities, the Men of the North led by Mr Gary (True Grit) Turner will take the field
against the Shandy-drinking Bed-Wetting Southern Softies with Greg (Moistly) Moses trying to keep the bitch-slapping
and the cat-calling at bay.
We’ll be playing a 20 over (more if we can) Taverners Rules* Match (at the ICC Academy)
Batsmen retire on 20 – can come back at the end
Must use a minimum of 10 Bowlers, bowling a maximum of 3 each.
Please be there before 1:00pm for our pre-match “Warm-up” session. Please do not worry, this is not going to be too stressful
or arduous – just a little exercise to loosen the muscles and get the blood flowing.
That said, by simply turning up – you’re all automatically, signing a disclaimer agreeing that the club (or me) will be in no way responsible for any injuries, sickness, disorders, pregnancies, rashes, diseases, scars or mental deficiencies that come about from our little ‘warm-up’ session ☺
THE NORTH THE SOUTH
1       Badger (Beast) 1       Nathan (Caring) Cartright
2       GT (True Grit)* 2       (Gay) Gully
3       Johno (Hard-on) Houghton 3       (Nice) Nick Lloyd
4       Nick (Harder) Harvey 4       (Sensitive) CD Kotze
5       Sugee (Monster) 5       Ben (Jolly good) Jones
6       Richard (Well-Hard) Hallows 6       Kym (Harmless) Harris
7       Julius (Juggernaut) Mooney 7       Etienne (Velvety) Visser
8       Jason (Steaming) Stewart 8       Jason (Breathless) Brown
9       Chris (Braveheart) Bridle 9       Ian (Potty-trained) Potgieter
10      Chris (Dominant) Dommett 10      Andrew (Kind-hearted) Kirk
11      Lee (Deadly) Dawson 11      Greg (Moistly) Moses
12      (Cock-Crusher) Coco 12      Brad (Wiggly) Wissink
13      Olly (He-Man) Higgens

Blikkies Blitzes ABB (and his bat!) words by Chris Dommett

On a weekend when the Springboks swept all aside at the Dubai Rugby 7s our very own Blitzbokke stole the show against ABB at the ICC CA.
There was a nip in the air and a hint of dew on the ground as the usual motley assortment of Darjeeling players drifted into the ground. Captain Banerjee announced to all that in a dramatic change from the usual tactics, he had won the toss and decided to field! He claimed to have spotted a little something in the pitch suggesting early movement, although a more convincing argument might have been that it would be cooler bowling first.
Anyway, after awarding a new club shirt to debutant Ethan Holmes we trudged reluctantly onto the pitch only for some sharp eyed cove to spot that the sight screens were set for a white ball. With no sign of activity from the ground staff an executive decision was made to try to fix the problem ourselves, ignoring young Ethan’s assertion that black screens shouldn’t pose a problem for the batsmen as we had no quick bowling. Greg offered him a look of disdain before clambering to the top of the screen to mend the pulley system which was jammed.
Finally, we got down to play with Greg opening up from the stadium end and Ethan standing where a keeper normally would for a bowler of Badger’s pace. By the end of the over he was nursing a couple of bruised hands and standing within chatting distance of the slips, commenting to Ash that it felt weird to be standing so far back. Welcome to big boys cricket young man
Etienne opened up from the other (unnamed) end, keeping it tight and getting a bit of swing and the score trickled along in singles, edges and wides until Etienne struck in his second over. A back of a length ball tempted the opener into a wild slog which Brad eventually caught coming in from mid off. He struck again in similar fashion in his next over, with Brad again pouching a skier (or skyer?), to have ABB struggling at 28 for 2 with only their no.3 batsman Syed Hussain looking capable of taking on the Darjeeling bowling.
After dropping a tough slip chance off Greg, Blikkies took over from the stadium end, picking up a wicket in his second over with a catch by the Dominator at midwicket.
Drinks were taken with ABB struggling at 58 for 3 after 10, but the fourth wicket partnership between Syed and Nidhin accelerated the rate towards respectability at 9 an over. A couple of late run outs left ABB with a sub-par total of 154 for 5, although given Darjeeling’s recent batting troubles it was by no means a given. Bowling figures were generally respectable, with Greg 4 overs, 0 for 20, Etienne 2 for 23, and Blikkies 1 for 24. Andrew Morris went for 15 in his first over before Captain Banerjee ruthlessly removed him from the attack, and both Brad and Shuggie going for 9 an over without a wicket.
So the chase began, or in the case of Brad, the leisurely amble. Blikkies decided to attack from the start (no change there then), whacking anything pitched up back past the bowler, and pulling anything short over mid wicket. So ferocious was his hitting that one shot saw his bat split in half lengthways, with one half nearly copping the square leg umpire. With Brad hitting just 2 fours the big unit was required to run far too many twos for his liking, with the pitch looking in danger at one point of being repainted with yesterday’s Snickers.
The result was never in doubt as the openers cantered (cross between a gallop – Blikks, and a walk – Brad) to the target in the 18th over, with Bliikies going to a brutal ton with a baseball shot which hit the academy on the full. 103 not out off just 69 balls, ably supported by Brad with a more conservative 37 at exactly a run a ball, and a 10 wicket win for the good guys for a change.
Back in the changing room the usual banter ensued with Elsabe promising Bliks rather more than just a massage as a reward for his ton, and a new bat for Christmas. Reverend Moses called for silence, and asked everyone to ponder the Thought For Today – the lost art of fingering… This was duly discussed, with thoughts ranging from the best techniques to how the decline in this practice is probably responsible for the world’s population problem. Ethan wisely refused the offer of a cold beverage as his Dad was waiting for him, and left with Greg’s encouragement to keep practicing the fingering to keep him busy for the next week.
A good performance all round and surely the dawn of a fresh winning streak for the mighty Darjeeling. Bring on Standard Chartered!!

DCC vs Brandy Invitation XI (Part 2) – Words by Gary Turner‏

After a quick intake of H2O we took the field as a unit. No need for Churchillian urgings I thought , a good total on the board and a team packed with experienced bowlers so no worries. Of course Greg Moses then says that due to a chronic fractured Eye lash he would rather not bowl! Did you know that Greg is part Saffer and part British? His eye lashes obviously come from North Wales! Then up pops the other demon mix of Sunderland and Cape Town, Jim the Vicar Grisdale. His injuries involved at least something visible in terms of a Rugby fall whilst training. However the bruising had reached a part of his anatomy that led to me declining any further inspection , “I believe you Jim, I am sure it is all black and blue as well” I retorted , backing away rapidly. Still no worries , I have the Dad and Son team of the Mariadason;s to be my demon strike bowlers and what a fantastic job they did! Dave opened up from the top end and had the ball swinging in like a boomerang , whilst young Rohan bowled a great line and length running in from the Academy end.

Dave struck twice in his second over and then Rohan bowled a peach that swung and moved off the pitch with his first ball of his second over. In walked the aforementioned Damien Brandy with his celebrity side teetering at 12 for 3. At this point in proceedings we are very fortunate in having several “specialist” slip fielders in our club. Apparently Ram , our new recruit is also one. However when Damien Brandy flashed at Rohan’s 5^th delivery of his second over it was only me who was at first slip and although the ball thudded into my outstretched right palm , it also thudded out again!! Never mind I thought , it won’t be long before he has gone! Doh!

Dave bowled superbly for his 4-0-2-18 and was well backed up by young Rohan who finished with figures of 4-0-18-1. Take a bow that family!!

Debutant Ram was given the chance to show off his all-rounders skills and soon learned that bowling at the ICC is not always so easy. Especially when the reprieved Mr. Brandy decides he quite likes the length! Damian just basically tried to hit virtually every ball into space , and very nearly succeeded! Ross came on and bowled a tidy first over before Damien took a fancy to him as well , supported by Dan , the Darjeeling man who was also playing some shots. Ram came off slightly bruised with figures of 2-0-29-0 and Ross finished with 3-0-24-0

So the match entered what can in “clicheville” be called “the Crucial Phase” . Paul Shenks was brought into the firing line and 6 balls later the Brandy X1 where 12 runs nearer our total! I decided I could not hide anymore and brought myself on from the top end , 6 balls later and another 13 had been plundered including a massive 6 that cleared the gardens behind me! Paul gamefully continued, and all playing saw Damian go into overdrive and score a further 18 runs and all of a sudden we were deep in the Mulligatawny as my Indian friends often say!!

At the start of my second over I was in 3 or 4 minds in terms of what sort of ball to bowl to Damien who loomed very large at the other end of the wicket. So I bowled a wide. Obviously I had a bit of chat with their umpire , words like “harsh” and “really” where uttered! So next ball I lobbed one up and fully expected it to be dispatched for 6…… he missed it and it hit his back leg in front of middle and leg , everyone screamed and my mate the umpire triggered Mr. Golden Bollocks Brandy back to the pavilion!! Relief and high 5,s all around in the DCC camp!

Jim bravely hobbled in off a couple of paces for the next over going for only 5 and Dave M took a great catch in the deep to get rid of Dan before the next batsman was bowled by a specialty skuttle ball that never got above 2 inches after pitching, you know the sort of ball Stuie used to bowl all the time!

Jim then completed proceedings by being smashed for 19 off the last over by Posh Toms brother! He did not enjoy that at all but DCC had won by 25 runs or so. Jim finished with 2 overs for 26 and for me a flattering 3 overs 3 for 25.

The match was played in a great spirit , no dissent to the umpire (well just a little) and everyone in the DCC team played a part and contributed. It is why we are the greatest cricket club in the world , but then I may be biased!!!

DCC vs Brandy Invitation XI (PART 1) – Words by Gary Turner

As the Darjeeling faithful started to arrive at the ICC there was more than a few moans and groans about how long it takes for a Dubai summer to end and an Arab winter to begin! Too long was the conclusion and indeed it was very hot and sticky.

Our opponents for the day included several “ex” Darjeeling” wallahs “ and even our new member Dan was roped in , presumably because of his ability to stop a flaying cricket bat with his eye. Because of this familiarity with the opposition it was decided that DCC rule number 1 could not be invoked and instead a proper “Toss” took place out in the middle. Damian Brandy called incorrectly and I duly skipped back to our dressing room with the great news that the opposition had been duly inserted!

This match also marked the return to the fold of Ian P who had been lost in the wilderness for some time on some breeding programme and with his opening partner Brad Wissink they strode manfully to the crease to face the eclectic mix that made up the Brandy X1. It is fair to say that both of our openers took full advantage of some indifferent bowling but several of the bowlers where also capable of actually pitching one up AND on the stumps so some care was needed. After 5 overs we had reached 52 , with Ian dealing mainly in “thumps” of increasing violence around the park. Extras also contributed to the score with wide’s and “beamer” no balls aplenty!

After 10 overs drinks where taken and Ian announced that as he would also be keeping wicket it was time for a younger and fitter man to take over the batting duties from him. Well he said part of that anyway and he retired for a well-played 41 and the evergreen Greg Moses took his place.

You may not be aware that there is a lot of “history” and “previous” as the Londoners say between Greg and Brad. They have shared many things , literally apparently and they also love to make the other party run when batting together!! Each claims that he is the leader in all this but regardless an all run 4 , several run 3,s and more than a few 2,s took its toll on Greg and he top edged a catch when looking well set for 31. Oh Brad did chuckle!!!

The reformed Vicar of Dibley , formerly known as” Big Bad” Jim Grisdale took over from Greg and in his usual style smashed both bowlers for big 6,s and a disputed number of 4,s ( I was distracted whilst scoring!) before Brad laughed no more as he took a full bunger on his toe and was out LBW for an enterprising 68 and thus entered Ramesh , making his debut for DCC

Jim meanwhile was being beaten for pace by the returning Damian Brandy for a rapid 27 , Paul Shenk came and went , another victim of a rejuvenated Brandy leaving David and Ramesh to finish off our innings at 192 for 4 with Ram on 8 and David on 2.

As skipper I thought we should have reached 200 but also felt that this would be good enough to secure a comfortable victory. But did I mention a rejuvenated Damien Brandy…. I will shortly in Part 2 of this saga!!