Friday saw DCC take on Abu Dhabi’s New York University cricket team at the picturesque Emirates Palace ground in the nation’s capital. A seven O’ Clock bus was arranged for Tom De Boinville, with everyone else making their own way there. One can only imagine that as he arrived at the palatial grounds first and alone, his thoughts must have flitted over an impromptu fox hunt. 

The rest of the fellows arrived and the match began with DCC batting first, with Gazz Turner skippering. 

Due to situations beyond my control, I was running late and approaching Abu Dhabi at 139km/h, changing into my whites on the way. My phone rang with car veering towards the hard shoulder and left shoelaces almost tied, and it was Gary, saying, ‘Don’t worry, all is well, 40 for none after 6’. Ah well, happy days then.

There was no golf cart on standby so I legged it over from the car park to the ground to find that things had changed. 

’40 for none after 6’ had become ‘Oh fuck, here we go’.  

Dannie was out (27), Tom was out (11). 

Within minutes of me arriving, Andy Bowers was out and Bruno Bruney was in, much to the excitement of Gary’s boner. I’ve never seen a man so overjoyed for one of his mates to get a bat. I shudder at the thought of the cuckolding shenanigans that go on chez Turner while the Bruneys are visiting…. 

To cut a medium-length story short, we ended on a sub-par 140-odd after 20, with Rory ending on an unbeaten 13. The lowlight of the innings a suicidal second run by .Brown after he’d been looking pretty handy. Probably cost us the game, Jason. 


 Our bowling effort began poorly with me being despatched to all parts. Thankfully .Brown bowled tightly, realising he had to make amends for his poor running, returning figures of 4-1-21-2, including a maiden wicket in his first. 

The scorecards in my possession suggest only one other wicket, a run out (by none other than .Brown), but I’m sure there was a caught behind by Danny (I forget the bowler, sorry. Gary?). 

Amidst his advisor-to-the-umpire responsibilities, Saeed batted well and took the game away with an unbeaten 60-odd. If we had snaffled either of the two chances he gave us in the field, both off Ross’ bowling, the outcome could have been different, but it was not to be. It was one of those days, summed up for me by my bowling the last ball of my last over to the bunny – slow ball to give him the single and keep him on strike creamed over cow for 6. 

Apart from Jason, all other bowlers’ returns were pretty average. Our score was reached with relative ease in about the 17th over. 

Thanks to Etienne for bringing beverages, and the drive home felt like a 7-hour journey for me. 

I believe the question still burning in everyone’s mind is, what the f&ck happened to Milo?