Farewell to comrades

It was Friday 13^th, the sun was shining and CD and Lee entered into their last DCC supper with their 13 other disciples in tow, but who would be found hanging on the cross by the end of the day? (As it turned out it was both, along with several of their followers).
Fresh from 1 hours sleep and a black sambuca breakfast Lee negotiated the toss with CD allowing him his choice based on the years served rule, CD elected to field while the oven was warming up.
God’s Chosen Ones (aka those of normal height) opened with the skipper himself wearing Thomas’s pad as a compulsory armguard and his Bahrain Buffalo Bullfrog stalwart Badger, opening up for The Wrong Un’s, was the silver fox willow Kotze himself. Ball one…. Kotze wobbled down his finest first delivery in his DCC career and was met with the usual amount of negativity from Lee as he blocked it out to point.
Some tight early overs from CD, Nick and Dexy were soon put to bed when the Gully was crashed over midwicket first ball for 4 and drilled over cover for 6 by his Lee leading to his retirement on 50.
Badger soon followed Lee back nicking off to Ieuan for a flamboyant 1. Brad the Chiang Mai Wall in at 3 was doing his level best to increase the run rate with a flurry of drives but his partner Rasta Abrahams soon fell victim to Umer for 11. Tebby looking like he would ‘come on for the run’ made a quick 10 before coming the first of Rohan’s run out victims. Erstwhile Brad had cruised to 28 and was safely back in the pavilion reminiscing of CM (where?) with ETB.
Olly Van Der Broek was asked to put his finger in the wall (I add not the Chiang Mai version) and stop the flow of wickets, but was out to an extraordinary piece of luck, more lucky than Jono pulling a thin bird, a return catch was shelled by Thomas (I thought it was Rohan) diving at full length only for the ball to crash into the stumps and leave Olly out of his ground and out for 1. Nathan ‘Thailand’ Williams using what can only be described as tree trunk hit a couple of lusty blows before making the stupid mistake of hitting one down Kes the Trolley Dolly’s throat at long off for an appropriate 13. Harry who might look back at this game thinking there will be better days inexplicably was out bowled on a free-hit to the smallest of all Thomas I’ve inherited my dad’s golden arm Mariadson for 11.
The kids then started turning the screw, Ieuan returned to clean ETB on his return for 3 and Thomas then had Ben stumped for 5. Viv gave Gully a wicket when a lusty blow picked out Umer for 10, and Chris Neal became the 3^rd run out victim this time to Umer for another unlucky for some 13. Ash dancing down the wicket like a whirling dervish gave Jono his 3rd victim making 8.
In return the first retiree Lee to join Blikkies, acting as a joint heavy roller for the second innings added some needed runs, Blikkies huge 6 off Umer had Kes moving into an extraordinary fielding position at long-high off, standing above the sightscreen in the ‘moon’ position. Inspired by this Lee aiming to in his words “knock the fucker off” drilled CD in the last over straight but low for four, nutmegging George in the process who thankfully for him was hanging to the right.
The innings closed with Lee unbeaten on 78 and Blikkies 14. A challenging total of 237 had been set. Pick of the bowlers was Thomas once again, pick of the batsmen… pretty damn obvious.
After a short innings break a padded set of silver foxes in the form of Gully and CD strode out to the wicket to face Badger the Bunny. Gully, wearing a shirt reminiscent of the last time he paid his club fees faced the first ball and together with CD started building an innings that would for a long time baffle the cricketing gods.
Gully was the first to go caught off the bowling of Tebby for a run a ball 5, not reproducing his days as a class A Australian cricket opener and in came Dexy, wearing his pink cravat, which could mean only one thing, or two, in some cultures.
What followed was the biggest collection of mistimed shots, thick outside edges, back foot off cut straight drives from CD and swings and misses coupled with singles from Dexy. Such was the beauty of the innings, that God’s chosen ones started slowly but surely take their big feet of the gas, all part of the Tyrian Lannister type deception being built by the wrong’uns wiley captain.
With his only well timed shot of the day, a straight drive, well placed over Rasta’s head, CD retired for a captain’s knock of 52 off 20 odd balls, leaving Dexy to continue his dot ball deception, but how long would that last?
In strode Teddy Mooney who for a time continued the dot ball deception for some time before picking up a few fours, keeping the wrong’uns just in touch with the now overconfident cheery chosen ones.
At the same time, Dexy suddenly decided that he had spent enough time building an innings and proceeded to go bounding towards his retirement scoring his last 15 runs of 5 balls, retiring on 25 off about 109 balls. Would this be the start of a turnaround?
Here is where I start getting a bit blurry, I believe caused by the bullfrog induced concussion suffered at Kickers, so excuse the run of play slightly.
Enter Gary Busey aka Maverick aka Colin Morris for a three run cameo, bowled by Chris Neal.
At about the same time, Teddy, or so he claims, agreed that he would give Lee an easy catch off Ash’s bowling, thereby proving himself to be both a scholar and a gentleman out for a solid 18.
Jono, who I have known since he was a wee lad, walked in with the confidence of a young feeder in his prime and what occurred from this point onwards was a thing of beauty.
The tall blokes chuckled and pie’d themselves into a sense of comfort and allowed Jono to retire on a 14 odd ball 26, mostly off Viv, who could be seen tearing up on the fence after Jono’s onslaught.
Blake coming in after Mooney’s wicket, made a welcome come back to the club with after a stint in Kenya where he scored a double hundred for his club against the Mombasa school for the blind and deaf, finding some kind of form with a very good 22, stumped by the reluctant keeper off the bowling of a certain Mr. van der Broek, which I must say, is a great name, further setting up the innings
Meanwhile Umer, who sounds exactly like Ducky, a gent who some at the club might know, contributed with a good 20 to hold up one end for Kes, who was nursing a suntanned backside from his sight screen antics.
Kes, cunningly sent in after a short conference between the shorts captain and Jono from his batting position of 15, he proceeded to stroke a pre-nap Eugene for 3 sixes in one over and scoring a game changing 25 of 7 balls, setting up a tense finish.
With young Rohan coming in to join Umer and Badger bowling the last over, the shorts needed a run a ball off the last over, conservatively reached, including a reverse sweep from young Rohan and the shorts pulling victory from the jaws of defeat, leaving God’s chosen ones wondering what God they had chosen.
A great game was followed up by a focused fines session spilling into what can only be described as a Kicker’s brunch reminiscent of the days when we had a clubhouse, may she rest in peace.
Gentleman, are we still gentleman?
Thank you to everyone, it’s been great.

God's Chosen Ones vs Wrong 'uns

As we bid a fond farewell to Lee Dawson returning to the UK and CD Kotze going back to South Africa, the Club will hold an Inter club game followed by a inevitable “messy” brunch.

There will be some special rules & drinks fines after the game, Team Captains will run through this again on Friday but briefly:

Retire on 25

Lee & CD runs count as double, they also get a chance to counter appeal any dismissal once.

3 dot balls in a row is a shot of jager (Because we cannot drink on the field we will do these after the game) also included will be

Dropped catches
Misfields
Overthrows
Boundaries
Wides
General uselessness

Square leg umpire will be monitoring this closely

We will play 22 overs (24 time permitting), wides will not be re-bowled unless it’s the last ball of the over.

Wides will count as 3 runs
We will bowl 11 overs from one end in a row and swap over to save time
2 overs max per bowler
3 slips at all times since we are 14 a side

Let’s not forget the brunch at kickers afterwards. You can buy your ticket on Cobone to get a cheaper deal, here is the link:

https://www.cobone.com/en/deals/dubai/search?query=Kickers

WARNING – DARJEELING TAKES NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR DAMAGING ONES EGO DUE TO THE TEAM THEY ARE IN

Lee	CD
Tebby	Dave M
Ben	Thomas M
Viv	Rohan M
Blikkies	Gully
Chris Neal	Nick Harvey
Brad	Julius
Eugene	Ieuan
Nathan Williams	Dexys
Badger	Colin Morris
Ash	Umer
Ollie Van Den	Cartwright
Brent	Blake
Moseley	Jono

THARG THE MIGHTY ONE SPEAKS – 22 March 2014 – words by Andrew "Tavare" Laing

Galactic Greetings Earthlets! From the heart of the Galaxy it is I, Tharg the Mighty, who has travelled many light years to bring you this week’s match report. Engage your circuits and prepare for sensory overload…

In Megacity One surrounded by the barren wastelands of the Accursed Land we were visited by the crew of the H.M.S. Somerset from the Royal Navy of Megacity Two on a tour of our polluted waters. These galactic sailors had the temerity to challenge the local lawmakers of this Ville, the Darjeeling chapter of the Judges (enforcers of the cricketing law in a lawless place).

Led by Chief Judge Turner, the Darjeeling Judges were well prepared for the day. According to the scorer droids this meant most had hangovers the size of a Rigellian Pachyderm and the vile moods to match. The Darjeeling innings started with Thrillpower at maximum setting with Judges Rees and De Boinville taking a harsh toll on the sailors who clearly regretted their decision to allow Chief Judge Turner to invoke Darjeeling Rule 1 (Darjeeling shall bat first). But as all citizens of Megacity One know, a Judge’s word is THE LAW and the sailors had no choice but to comply or face a lengthy sentence as Judge Brown’s personal underwear fitter & repairer (a fate no sane citizen would wish to endure). The ball flew to all parts of the ground and Judge de Bonneville retired first on a blistering 51 (8 x 4’s and 1 x 6). Judge Rees retired soon after with an equally enterprising 52 (7 x 4 and 1 x 6) and the score was 111 after but 7 overs! Our latest Judge to join the squad, Judge Blikkies come in at Number 3 and played respectably until shown the way to the change room, given out LBW for 6 (with 1 x 4). The bowler was nearly as surprised at the decision as Judge Blikkies. Not for nothing do they call me Tharg the Trigger Finger…

Judges Brown and Houghton coming in at 4 and 5 were distraught that Darjeeling Rule 2 (Judges Brown and Houghton shall open the batting) was not invoked and proceeding to nurdle around in a Tavare-esque style compiling 12 (2 x 4’s) and 19 (2 x 4’s) respectively. Judge Weir then came in and hit a well timed 26 Not out (3 x 4’s and a wholly run 5!) and Judge Neal (the Silent Assassin) added 6 Not Out (1 x 4). Fortunately the H.M.S. Somerset bowlers were contributing to the scoreboard even faster than our Judges best efforts and by the end of the game Extras was highest score on 69 and the total was 241 after 20 overs.

The H.M.S. Somerset innings had a slow start and a rather bizarre run out put a smile on even the toughest Judge’s dial (Judge Houghton lurking at short fine leg had decided to only throw with his left arm to make things more interesting). Judge Gully decided to lighten things up even more by bowling a few full tosses which were duly dispatched for four before bowling the other opener. Judge Gully ended with figures of 4 overs (1 Maiden) 1 for 25. The other opening bowler was Judge Brown who bowled two tight overs taking 0 for 4. It would seem that it was not only the H.M.S. Somerset bowlers but also their scorer droids who had their circuits fried by the heat of Megacity One. Judge Brown was recorded for posterity in the score tech log as “Wanker!!”. This unwise act of imprudence has been recorded in Judge Brown’s personal tech log and the scorer droids home locations have been duly noted for when the next Betelgeussian Invasion Armada reaches this lowly planet.

Then Chief Judge Turner had a sudden attack of brain freeze (probably due to injuries suffered in the 2013 Battle of Sharjah) and threw the ball to Judge de Boinville who gave a spectacular display of pure bowling drekk – 0 for 39 off a very painful two overs (but they felt a lot longer)! Truly we had not seen this much pure filth since Judge Houghton and Brown’s recounting of their previous night’s encounter with the mutant womenfolk of Barnasti and Rock Bottom. This gave a kick start to the H.M.S. Somerset numbers 3 and 4 who both made well played 40’s. Judge Neal (1 for 17 off 2 overs), Judge Houghton (0 for 18 off 2 overs), Judge Blikkies (0 for 10 off 2 overs) and Judge Weir (0 for 16 off 2 overs) all played their part in recovering from the de Boinville implosion.

Chief Judge Turner in desperation finally bought himself on. He bowled with a mixture of guile and sneakiness and apart from fluffing the easiest Caught and Bowled chance this Millennium, did an admirable job taking 4 wickets for 22 runs off 4 overs. Fortunately our camera droid was on hand to capture Chief Judge Turner’s expression when he dropped his catch…

After that the power of the Judges was just too much and the sailors ended up on 159 for 7 off their 20 overs. A win for the Darjeeling Judges of 82 runs.

The sailors introduced us to their strange Megacity Two customs which included the awarding of a Dick of the Match. They gave their Dick of the Match to their opening batsman who was ingloriously run out for zero and who had also decided to wear a thigh guard as a stomach protector. Darjeeling had a long, deliberate voting process and Judge Rees was adjudged the Darjeeling Dick of the Match. And so it came to pass that a challenge was held as to who was the Dick of the Galaxy. A Rigellian Hotshot down-down race was held, which Judge Rees won in spectacular fashion (not a bad performance for an Earthlet) and the sailors were suitably humiliated again by the power of the Judges.

After seeing the sailors safely off to their transporter, the Judges retired to the Arabian Ranches Golf Club for further imbibing of Rigellian Hotshots and a discussion on the relative merits of using the Lawgiver pistol or the CA Plus 8000 bat from AJ Sports as crowd control tools for Sharjah games.

Farewell until next week (when the rematch takes place in Sharjah), or as we aliens say, Splundig vur Thrigg!

THARG THE MIGHTY

The day after the night before – Match Report of the Year Winner Steve Brown

The Cannons is always an eagerly anticipated fixture and Nick Harvey decided to schedule the game after the awards dinner to give our boys a challenge. Thanks Nick!

Darjeeling had their ‘best’ side out since the beginning of time according to Ash Banerjee, but with 9 lads who had attended the dinner in the squad (Nick Lloyd & Dannie Rees hang your heads in shame), surely it couldn’t be all smooth sailing.

The annual dinner was an eventful night out and after many ales were sunk, I think we definitely have all found it in our hearts to forgive Gris for his wrong-doings…… haven’t we Nick?!

Many of the boys were in fine form with Chris Tebb only drinking pints of bitter as anything to the contrary ‘isn’t a real beverage as it’s not dark and has bubbles in it!’ Hassan gave a vivid description to the type of classy attractive women he goes for, and how quality is more important than quantity. Another kick in the teeth comment as I was under the impression to truly encapsulate the Darjeeling spirit, you had to constantly go to Rock Bottom and panic pull average women when the pizza starts getting handed out. That’s mine and Jon’s excuse anyway lads.

Israr seemed to be in a sticky situation with his date, as Badger’s lodger resembled a rucksack with him clinging on to her at every opportunity. He was pulling out some really sleazy chat up lines and dance moves that seemed to leave the lads puzzled. It is also still up for debate on to whether he actually knows Badger, or actually just lied his way in to the dinner to try and cock-block paying members.

Browny was forced up to do another rendition of Wonderwall, but his below average Liam Gallagher rendition was all forgotten when people actually realised what Julius’ was wearing. His ‘big guy’ upper body had looked borrowed from the set of Scarface, red chinos looking like they belonged to Alan Carr and trainers that would have been better suited to a One Direction music video.

A hugely anticipated question was finally answered by Steve Finnigan on what actually makes him ‘tick’. It was sad to see Greg Moses not there to truly pick his brains on his vague answers and to get into the ‘nitty gritty’ details on some pretty seedy responses. Other highlights included seeing Gully pick up a bar bill at the end of the night. He has to be the only person in the world who never carries cash on him, has no money on his card, but always seems to be blind drunk with a glass of mothers milk in his hand. He also lives on the palm and drives a Mercedes…..work that one out! He stooped to a new low when trying to get sloppy 2nds on a terrible looking girl that Jon had already dealt with. The thought of him dancing round in his tighty whities for an hour is still haunting me now.

Anyway…… on to the game:

The game looked certain for disaster when Julius was caught out being sick in the ICC car park in front of his very unimpressed wife and son. He was almost sick again when he caught Jason Brown eating what can only be described as the world’s largest portion of Burger King. Jason came to watch and immediately snuck in 2 lamb burgers, before polishing off his chips and diet coke. He then very sheepishly glanced around to make sure no-one was watching before pulling out what is rumoured to be a Double Whopper burger, and destroying it within seconds before anyone could notice…… Yes Jason, we saw you eat the third!

Darjeeling won the toss (about the only good thing they did all day) and surprisingly elected to bat! A drunken agreement the night before had meant that the 3 stooges (Browny, Jon & Olly) would all go in first as they are MATES with the skipper. As always Gully went back on his drunken words and demoted Olly to 5. Brown and Houghton, who were more bothered about telling everyone at the ground about the latest chapter in a book of average conquests, were to go out and open. What happened next could not have been predicted. Brown playing on for a second ball duck and Houghton nicking off for a golden duck. Top start!

Even funnier than the scorecard, was the fact that Jon had absolutely murdered it to the keeper but because Gully was umpiring, stood his ground and looked as innocent as Stuart Broad. Gully awkwardly raised his finger with the keeper bellowing ‘How dare you stand there for that!’ Tweedle Dum and Dee were out without troubling Chris Tebb’s mouse and to rub insult to injury Julius’ better half even got involved yelling ‘Guess which team was out on the piss last night’.

Nick Lloyd then came and went for 6 before stooge number 3; Higgens strolled in to get some pride back for his mates. He had recently lit a cigarette so snuck in a couple of pulls before passing it on and strolling out. He lasted 2 balls for 4, with his cigarette still not finished by the time he trudged off. After all last night’s air blowing, the 3 stooges managed to muster up 5 balls between them for 4 runs. Solid contributions!

Dannie and Israr started a mini revival, but when Dannie got cleaned up by one of his new best mates, the score was 44-5. If ever you needed a captain’s innings, now was the time. Enter captain clueless – Mark Gullickson…… The last member of the group who met earlier before the dinner to get lashed and was desperate to help his 3 idiot mates out. Gully did them proud by helping himself to a 4 ball duck….. Cherry on the cake!

Newly crowned all-rounder of the year Nick Harvey joined Israr and finally there was something to cheer about. A 50+ partnership that at least gave us something to bowl at and not get even more embarrassed than we already had. Israr departing for a well-made 34 and Nick making 41.

Tebb and Banerjee were next and with Bradders making sure Moxey had one over left, the mini battle could commence. The battle was delayed slightly as Dannie Rees’ & Julius’ wives caught Moxey’s eye and he was half way off the field to try and help himself before being warned about his gentlemanly conduct! They didn’t hang around and left Julius stranded at the other end (not that he was going to make a difference) with Darjeeling finishing 146ao.

Cameron ‘the Judas’ Coles was to open the batting for The Cannons and went on to his highest ever career score. Every time he represented Darjeeling, he was more bothered about clocking up miles on his fitness watch and doing laps round the field after departing for single figures. Could be worse I suppose; at least he didn’t proposition any of our dates or girlfriends.

Gully’s masterstroke bowling changes were not working to say the least and with Darjeeling lacklustre in the field, it was looking like a slow painful death. None of Darjeeling’s bowlers hit their straps and only a solitary run out (which wasn’t even out) was the only success to be had. Credit has to go to Dannie Rees for conning the umpire with a very enthusiastic and convincing appeal. His enthusiasm wasn’t rubbing off on the rest of the hungover bunch and he kept muttering little digs under his breath such as ‘I can’t wait to play for the cannons more often’ and ‘if there were 11 of me playing, we would win every week’. Maybe he’s been listening to Jason Brown too much!

The Cannons eased their way to a 9 wicket victory and the only highlight after that was Dannie Rees trying to pull Steve Finnigan’s ex bird in the polo club. I guess he’s trying to follow in the steps of Tim Moxey so The Cannons will finally welcome him in.

Darjeeling vs Loose Cannons – 21 September 2013 by Lawrence of Arabia

A hot balmy afternoon awaited both teams at the ICC. The pre-match discussion centered around the Cannons good record on grass and Darjeeling’s makeshift bowling attack. Danny Rees made his debut for the club and proudly hung up his Welsh towel in the change rooms for all to see.

The Cannons won the toss and no surprise, batted first. Darjeeling opened up with Etienne and Danny. The opening batsman (in particular Clint) took advantage of the quick outfield and some fullish deliveries and started hitting boundaries at will. Captain Ash decided to turn to spin, first, Kim (aka Warney) who got some turn straight away. Unfortunately, the batsman took advantage of the few balls that didn’t get a chance to turn, and at the first drinks break (7 overs – it was hot!!) the Cannons were no loss for around 70-80.

Finally, a change in luck for Darjeeling, the Cannon’s opener smashed a straight ball at Clint, who took a blow to his right hand. The other opener retired shortly thereafter suffering from heat fatigue. Captain Ash turned to Browny who bowled 4 very tight overs from one end, building up some great pressure.

The turning point of the game was when Ash brought himself onto bowl. Firstly, taking the prize wicket of Clint after Andrew took a juggling catch at mid-on. Ash then proceeded to destroy the Cannon’s middle order. Whilst some of the “Cannons” were a little “Loose” with their shot selection, all credit to Ash who finished up with a “michelle pfifer” – 4 overs 5 wickets for 12. Sackers also bowled a couple of tidy overs and took a wicket. The bowlers were well supported by the fielders (Cameron, Nathan and Noel behind the stumps etc.) and after looking like scoring 220, the Cannons made a sub-par score of 163.

Darjeeling opened the batting with Danny and Browny – who made a great start to the run chase with an opening partnership of over 100. In fact, the only problem was working out exactly how much they both scored – as the scorers from the Cannons team had got slightly confused for some reason with our openers (despite only one wearing a helmet). Anyway, Danny finally retired with heat fatigue after scoring a well made half century on debut. Sackers was next in and unfortunately got a straight one first up and was on his way. Noel then stepped up and with Browny scored some quick runs together and sometime in the 19th over we had reached our target with the loss of only 1 wicket. All credit to Browny who batted throughout the innings and remained around 80 not out – having been on the field for the entire match.

A good win for Darjeeling – which we celebrated with a few pints with the Cannons at the Ernie Ells club.

Darjeeling v Loose Cannons – match report penned by J Houghton – University Graduate. 3rd Feb 2013

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Friday saw Darjeeling take on a slightly weakened Loose Canons team. After the last performance against them this was much needed.
The day began with several of the players typically showing up hungover. Thankfully Chris won the toss and elected to bat. Unfortunately though he decided to open up with the two most hungover players with yours truly and Steve Brown (with Grisdale still missing).
The brave decision by the captain was quickly vindicated as Darjeeling got off to a flyer with a scoring rate comfortably over 10 an over. The two openers made light work of some average bowling posting an opening partnership of 136 in the 12th over with yours truly out LBW (Questionably?) for a fine 68 off 37 balls with 52 runs coming through the leg side. Stevie followed soon after for a very well made 57 from 36 balls caught at point – Darjeeling being 145-2 in 12.3 overs at this stage. In came Olly and Nathan to slow down Darjeeling’s scoring rate with a partnership off 87 in just under 10 overs ending with Nathan being caught for 36. In came Pete and back out he went. First ball. A determined Grisdale stumbled towards the wicket hitting two huge sixes of his first two balls before being caught by the traitor hitting towards the longest boundary against the wind – falling one yard short from a third consecutive six. Captain Magnificent (Yes I want to open again) came in for the last 10 balls scoring a quick 15 from 8 balls with Olly anchoring the innings for an excellent 42 ball 52*.
Darjeeling finishing on 274-5 in our 25 overs no thanks to the opposition bowling 25 wides and 7 no balls. The traitor comfortably had their best bowling figures going for 25 in his three overs with no wickets while Bradders finished one short of his 50 in his three overs.
Darjeeling feeling confident of a win strode out to the middle knowing that Bradders was the key man to get out early. Grisdale and Gary Turner opened up with Gary getting a wicket in his first over bowling a full toss which the batsmen hit to short extra with yours truly taking a stunning one handed catch. Bradders soon got hold of Gary though hitting him for 21 of his third over and looking good. Ash could and should have made a better effort to catch a top edged pull from Gris’ bowling however instead decided to take a couple of steps backwards before watching the ball land behind him. Fortunately for Darjeeling Gris soon got his man caught at point – an excellent diving catch by Olly – to remove Bradders for an aggressive 56 off just 26 balls. Luckily Captain AT was not playing and fielding in his usual point position as surely that would have gone for four. This left the Loose Canons on 73-2 in 6.4 overs with the traitor coming in. Grisdale finishing on four overs 1 for 35 and Gary T four overs 1 for 43.
Darjeeling then began to take wickets regularly with Olly taking a wicket in his second over – a superb catch by yours truly running towards third man and taking a skier over his shoulder. Not all of Darjeeling’s members were quite on the ball as yours truly was and some very average fielding followed culminating with Captain Magnificent labeling some of the fielding as ‘toilet’ before dropping a sitter himself which Stevie was quick to point out.
On came the spinners Moxey, Badger and Ash keeping things tight and picking up wickets at regular intervals. Ash with the pick of the figures finishing on 3-44 in his five overs while Badger bowled five tight overs only conceding 34-1 while Moxey went for 38-1 from four overs. Loose Canons finishing on 221-8 from their 25 overs with the traitor ending up on a fine 63* from 59 balls. A convincing 53 run win for the mighty Darjeeling who put on a great show for their fans (AT, Sackers and Brian)
A great days cricket had by all with special mention to Pete Foley who played his first game in a long time and got out first ball however some exceptional looking dives in the field (even though nowhere near the ball) will keep him in contention for selection next week. A few cheap beverages at Girders followed before those left standing went to Barasti.

Darjeeling Cricket Club v Wombats AKA Nomads AKA Team without a Name match report. Words by CD Kotze

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On what can only be described as a perfect day for cricket the Darjeeling Cricket Club took on an unknown rival (later to be identified as a team we thrashed before at SES) on the smaller pitch at the ICC and previous venue of a fine Grisdale batting display.
While indulging in in a fast-growing pre-match ritual of devouring a choice of Burger King or Hardy’s pre-match chatter was mostly centered around certain members’ conquests of the the previous, Jono AKA The Darjeeling Bicycle sharing what he described as a stereotypical Dubai hookup with a teacher and Greg adding that he for the first time saw a certain member of the DCC known for his anger management issues showing a softer side, the table was set for a standard random day at the home of DCC.
With members arriving from 12:30 to 1:15 for a 12:45 team get together and some confusion caused by the term “bring a few scoops” amongst the internationals of DCC, the source of the confusion and the second-last player to arrive, Gary Turner AKA the Guv’nor was selected to Captain the side, due to club captain Chris Dommett’s reluctance to captain the team from keeper, against the Wombats/Nomads/ Without a Name, which at this stage had 3 players at the ground consisting of two slightly portly cricketers and a gentleman resembling a Bollywood actor playing the role of the Rambo of the cricket field.
With the classic line of “my team is still coming from Friday prayers” uttered by the opposition captain, the Guv’nor proceeded to win the toss and in true DCC form, elected to bat, a decision not driven by tactical prowess but by a culture of Friday hangovers and a memory of desert weather conditions. So the day of normal randomness continued as DCC Umpire Shiju and Umpire Banerjee took to the field to call ‘Play’ on a 25-over match.
Out strode Sackers and the Bicycle to open the batting against the Wombats who were at this stage recognized as a team we played before when an aforementioned DCC member with anger management issues scored 90 against Sharjah and were outplayed by DCC. The opposition by this time had grown to 9 players with two of their team still praying hard.
Sackers started scoring from some Jonathan Trott-like shots but not in true Sackers style gave away his wicket softly with a practice catch to the opposition off the bowling of Hamad, before the opposition had reached the full complement of 11 fielders.
Out strode Greg Moses to the pitch with his signature fisherman’s hat and a bat won for player of the tournament in Chiang Mai. His feng shui just seemed right after having witnessed the first time emotional display and armed with a new pre batting ritual involving two fingers and a foul smell (details of which are being withheld due to the open nature of Facebook and fear of having to enter into a witness protection program for revealing them) Mr. Share the Love himself went on to build a Rahul Dravid rock of an innings.
In the meantime, more and more scoops (beverages, biere, brews, lagers, XXXX’s etc, for the rest of us non Oldham Athletic supporters) were being enjoyed next to the pitch, which bode well for the banter but perhaps not the batting performance needed by the middle order.
Bicycle, during all this, started his innings nervously, very unlike a man with his Casanova-like exploits but started to find his stride not too long after Mr. Moses walked in, and proceeded to bash a few fours for a very good 40 and an innings-defining partnership of 73 with Greg before being bowled by “one that kept straight” otherwise known as a “beauty” from the bowling of Moiz, who was proving to be a be a bit of a thorn in the side of the Darjeeling run rate along with Taz “Sharapova” who had a Shoaib Ahktar like run up and a Maria Sharapova like grunt upon delivery.
Unfortunately, a batting collapse reminiscent of the England cricket team of the nineties, South Africa in a Cricket World Cup or the more recent collapse of the Pakistan middle order in their previous test in South Africa, commenced with depressing ease.
First came and went the reluctant captain, usually dominant, out for 1, bowled by Haroon, followed by the self-proclaimed agricultural cricketer, Nathan Cartwright, out for 6, bowled by Abid.
Which led to an attempt at an innings-stabilizing 7 of 9 balls innings (Strike rate significantly helped by 4 overthrows) from Jules “Tats” Mooney, caught off Moiz with teddy bears, rattles and puzzles lining the way back to the changing room along with some choice words. Which brought in Mr. Comeback, Nick Harvey, who was soon after caught off the bowling of Hamad for 4.
All this action happening while Greg was building a beautiful game-saving attempt of an innings on the other side of the scooped-up middle order, while bravely trying to hide the pain of his pulled hammie and fighting the burning sensation in his nostrils. The question being raised at this point, will Mr. Share the Love be able to bowl with a pulled hammie, since we were looking a little bit short of a few wicket takers, which as we all know, is crucial for winning a game of cricket.
Finally, after a serious batting wobble, in strode Gully, red-eyed from a week-long visit from his wife’s cousin and looking brittle, therefore setting the opposition bowlers at ease, to bring some form of support for the superb innings being played by Greg.
After feeding the strike to Greg with three well-taken singles, the gentleman out in the middle realized that Greg running with a pulled hamstring was not in the spirit of Darjeeling Cricket, so Gully decided to let loose and hit two classy fours before trying one shot too far and was caught off the bowling of Taz (of the Sharapova kind, not to be mistaken with the Tasmanian kind) for a crucial 11.
In strode the “taking one for the team” player of the day, your’s truly, to witness some brutal hitting by Greg, a short run of a very well-taken two runs (disputed with the umpire, the first of two dubious umpiring calls for the day) and a brave sacrifice run-out to protect the Batsman of the Day’s wicket for a well-run duck without facing a ball.
This left only one ball of the innings which Greg proceeded to hit through the air, only to be dropped and ending the innings, carrying his bat, for a long overdue 108, his first 100 after the sad demise of the Darjeeling Cricket Club grounds in 2008, may she rest in peace.
With a softish target of 207 set for the opposition, Darjeeling took to the field and after a brief stint of enthusiastic fielding practice, set about defending their total, opening the bowling with the deceptive Gully from the Academy End and Jules from the School End as a well-fuelled Gris replaced Ash to umpire for the first 10 overs, while the latter tucked into a Stella or two.
The opening bowlers proceeded to keep it about as tight as a loosely-tied westminster tie, with some quality dot balls mixed in with some good balls dispatched to the boundary, but there was hope in Darjeeling’s slightly scooped-up blurry eyes when Jules took the wicket of Mannu sharply caught by the candidate of comeback player of the year, Nick Harvey for 5, which brought to the crease a blue padded, Inzamam ul-Haq like communicator between the wickets, Omar.
Gully proceeded to bowl his five overs on the trot, which is no mean fitness feat for any DCC bowler, unlucky to end his spell wicketless, conceding 44 runs and with Jules finishing 4 of his overs on at the other end with figures of 1 for 38, Darjeeling were still battling hard to stay in the game.
During Jules’ spell, the second dubious call of the day was made when Gris called a (low) slow ball full toss a no ball, which brought about a pleasant exchange of shits and giggles between the Guv’nor and Jules and said umpire, with the other umpire proclaiming his support for his fellow umpire with a well timed: “What to do?”. The call was also later falsely blamed on the innocent square leg fielder.
Jules was replaced by Nick at the school end and he came in to bowl like a man who did not spend any time away from the game with an injury. Nick was the only other wicket taker in the innings bowling Karan “Bollywood Rambo” with a pearler for a well played and showy 62. Nick ending the day the pick of the Darjeeling bowlers with 1 for 38 of his 4 overs.
The Bicycle then replaced Gully at the academy end and clearly thought that a slow full toss would be his stock ball of the day, with ‘Taz’ Tauseef, who replaced the Bollywood Rambo and the blue-padded Omar proceeding to take advantage of the fine weather and friendly pitch, though rarely used by the Bicycle. Not even a change of ends stopped the full toss frenzy and Jono ended the day with an uncharacteristic 52 runs of his 5 overs with no wickets.
Mohit was brought on to replace the Bicycle and stem the flow of runs and did a great job in his first over, but unfortunately, consistency let him down in the second and Mo was knocked around a bit in his second for figures of 0 for 21.
it was now clear that Greg’s hammie was costing us on the bowling front with the aforementioned lack of wicket-takers taking effect, facing a team spurred on by the wild celebrations and Asian drums from the other pitch, where a corporate cricket day was in full swing with spectators lining up for food boxes, etc.
With Darjeeling’s fielding being good to pretty good despite a few misfields, a dropped catch and a half-chance, we could not take any benefit from some poor running from Omar and Tauseef as they merrily continued chipping away at the target, getting the Wombats into a very comfortable position.
The Guv’nor brought himself on to replace Mohit for one over and went for 12 runs in the 19th over of the game, leaving the Wombats 2 runs to get with 5 overs remaining.
On came CD, some say a little too late, and after 3 balls and a hamstring-inspired misfield, the game was all over, the Wombats beating Darjeeling by 8 wickets with several overs to spare.
Despite the loss, it was a thoroughly enjoyable game made better by great banter, scandalous dressing room stories and good opposition who understand the spirit of cricket.
The Wombats were worthy opponents and with a bit more depth on the bowling front, they are very beatable.
Unfortunately, I cannot do a Girders report, but judging by the pace of scoops being consumed until the time we were asked to leave the dressing room, some quality shenanigans were had.